The Monkey's Doings

My Lover

2012-02-13T16:49:00.001-06:00

The Oscillation of Love

for Andrew Nathan

Your eyes are reflectingpools

that mirror back to me avision of myself

free floating in you.

The tender touch you extend

thrills me as you trace myoutline

enclosed within you

and yearning to be neareryou.

Your words reach down intome

to explore the depths of myheart

stirring up and lighting mybeing

with a fire that may waxand wane -

but will remain.

My Constant Dinner Dilemma

2012-01-16T19:48:00.001-06:00

Snow ice cream!!! They ate it ALL. It even had some dirt in it :)

I am not the healthiest mama around, but I do try to pay attention to what my family eats. I TRY to make healthy food within our dietary restrictions, but ~~often~~ sometimes am just too tired to ~~care~~ pay better attention.

Some nights I get creative with gluten, dairy and egg free ideas (like this silly looking pizza). And I think, "Good job mom! Chirpee won't feel so deprived being on a gluten free diet if you make him pizza!" And I enjoy the pizza too because it is such a rare treat since finding out I'm intolerant to the above listed "free" items. Deereandy thought it was terrible, but for those who haven't had "real" pizza for a loooooong time, you'd would really love my version :)

There are times when I get creative and feel like a kitchen superhero because I finally got around to slicing up the butternut squash for soup.

And in the same day, I make a really fabulous recipe for gluten-free thin mint cookies.

So I put the soup on to simmer prior to puree. I'm on a roll between three new recipes in one day!

Allergen free vanilla cornbread - super yum with coconut sugar!

But then there is tonight's meal which really represents my ongoing conversion in my head. The running dialogue that runs commentary on everything I do in the kitchen (including poor parenting techniques).

I am short for ideas at noon and think...I have to do something. I take a couple over-large hormone infested, chicken barn raised, GMO grain fed, boneless, skinless chicken breasts out to defrost and shake my head over the difficulty in feeding a family healthy meals on a budget.

Jump forward to 5:00pm, about 30 minutes past my optimal "start" time for making dinner. I am sitting in the recliner, googling on my iphone about adequate calcium intake for children and have two boys on my lap who are both holding books up to me, "read mama", "can you read this mom?". I really just want to read the abstract from the journal article, but realize I'm being negligent in my kitchen and my boys' reading education. I read four books and get out of the chair after tickling them out of my lap.

Five-ten and I'm looking around the kitchen...hmmmm, what am I going to do with two chicken breasts and a family of four???

I decide on chopping them up, frying them in various spices and adding them to noodles in a sauce. This rest of the pros and cons of my cooking dialogue are best put in numbered format.

Pros about my dinner:

frugal - only uses two chicken breasts
6 cloves of garlic - very anti-infective and immune boosting
olive oil - cold pressed, natural, healthy oil
water kefir - good probiotics
apple cider vinegar - organic, with "the mother" (aka - good bugs) - lots of good said about it
brown rice noodles - better than using white rice pasta
sea salt - more mineral content, no processing
homemade sauce - no processing or additives
peas
salad
homemade salad dressing including organic vinegar and olive oil and loads of garlic

Cons about my dinner:

note above rant on the quality of chicken breasts
"oh, I think we eat too much rice, probably causing gastric cancer. It isn't even organic."
sea salt - "oh ya, I keep meaning to read up on sea salt quality and iodine" Do I need to supplement my family's iodine for thyroid health?
canned tomatoes - probably BPA lined, added salt and calcium chloride (do we need it?)
white sugar added to my tomatoes simmering. Should have used natural or low glycemic option?
non organic salad
frozen peas too often - need more variety
apple cider vinegar packaged in a plastic bottle - probably leaching chemicals...

And to top it all off - we have had too much sugar the past month! They boys sure are happy about it though!

Does anyone else analyze their food like this? Or am I just obsessive?

Winter Revisited

2012-01-03T16:19:00.002-06:00

This is this morning. Ho hum, another episode of Bob the Builder and a mother feeling guilty that this is how she gets time to shower. But this afternoon she has a great idea.

Wow - It finally snowed a real amount the other day and we have only taken a little advantage of it over the weekend. Back to "summer" time afternoon play outdoors.

Deereandy, Chirpee and Dimple spent almost two hours on Monday doing snow removal. I'm sure the boys had a glorious time and Deereandy was probably muttering about having to repair the snow blower. Although, he does enjoy his sons so I'm sure there was redemption in the work!

What would a boy do without a dump truck and loader? And here I thought they were sandbox toys. The mountains of dirt here cannot rival the mounds of snow!

Just So I Never Forget

2011-12-25T16:44:00.000-06:00

This is a post so I don't forget that Christmas of 2011 was sunny, grass was around and the temperature was hanging around 35 degrees. It might be a long time before this again. Our most mild winter since I've lived here...kinda like where I grew up.

Worth Checking Out

2011-12-14T15:11:00.002-06:00

The ministry of reconcilliationClick on the link and get familiar with an awesome ministry.

Manitoba's Really Large Hill That Could Actually Qualify As A Small Mountain

2011-11-30T21:48:00.001-06:00

I feel like I have finally accomplished something this week! My calendar has been looming with lots of writing and notes on it; I've been feeling disorganized, but I actually marked a few things off my "to do" today. It is a big relief to have my Christmas/New Year letter written. It really reads as a New Year letter, but I'm sending it out before Christmas (Lord, willing).

This past weekend we went to Elkhorn Resort in Riding Mountain and spent some time with friends and family. It was a fun weekend and I think Chirpee was on cloud 9 the whole time. He was very sad to have to head home again.

Technically we could have stayed longer (we had the reservation), but we wanted to catch up on laundry and a few things before heading to Regina this coming weekend. We will celebrate Deereandy's grandma's birthday. Is it okay to have two possessives in a sentence? If not, my apologies. Whoops, that was a phrase and not a complete sentence. English critique is now done.

I leave you with a little look into our weekend.


Strengthening exercises


Boys

Horsey Mama and Chirpee

Add caption


"Give me five!"


Jujubes and Chirpee teeter tottering

Not Again!

2011-11-21T21:58:00.001-06:00

Dimple has that asthma cough again. And here I was thinking we were going to escape inhalers this winter. At least this year he thinks they are good fun :)

It Has Happened

2011-11-18T15:11:00.001-06:00

One thing happened. It snowed and it is cold outside. Sound astounding? I know I'm losing you on the shock-less value. But it saddens me that I used to relish in the first snow, the second snow, the fifth snow of a given winter. But this year it felt suffocating and I had to keep myself from thinking...okay we're white and below freezing for the next five months.

A blessing in it though is my children's excitement over "no!", using Dimple's words here. And I was reading a book today that mentioned the weather in the southern US and it reminded me that things are NOT bad here. I am blessed and still complaining? Whoops!


First Taste Of Snow

An Exposed Love

2011-11-12T20:28:00.001-06:00

"Behold, thou art fair, my love: behold, thou art fair...thou art all fair my love; there is no spot in thee...thou has ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes with one chain of thy neck. How fair is thy love....a garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse...awake O north wind; and come thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat his pleasant fruits." Song of Solomon 4:1,7,9,12,16

A thought for the evening. This book was written by king Solomon a picture of marriage, love and ultimately of God's affections for Israel. I won't go into my thoughts on the authorship of the book except to point out I see the irony of a man obviously enslaved to his fleshly desires writing about a love so pure and true between TWO people. I assume this book was written early in his life which was quite pristine by Biblical record (prior to the many wives and concubines and falling away from the truth of God).

Do I have a point? Oh ya, I got distracted by Solomon. The red text is the writing of the male, pursuer of the relationship...the Beloved. He is completely taken with the cherished Shulamite woman. It is a extrapolating from the literal text, but I believe we can say that is the same love expressed by Christ for His bride (the believing church). I say this on the basis that "I and the Father are one" said by Christ himself. "If you have seen me, you have seen the Father" also said by Christ. The nature of love and affection of the Father is the same as the nature and affection of the Son.

To think that the Lord hungers for his virtuous bride like that. He doesn't just like us, but he is completely taken with passion for us. It says, "there is no spot in thee". Wow, I can think of so many blemishes, but his pure and perfect blood sacrifice has completely covered me. And because his covering is perfect he sees his own perfection and purity in me - in the whole of the believing church.

"A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse". We are pure, virgins for him. And the following response in green is spoken by the Shulamite "...wind...blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may blow out. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat his pleasant fruits". What fragrance comes from my garden? Am I pleasant and desirable to him? Is it a place he wants to be?

Or is this another instance of the power of Christ's complete cleansing? Of course he desires to be with his bride, he longs to "eat his pleasant fruits". The fruits of the garden we put there by him! The creator of the universe is waiting for his bride to be completely ready for him, whole. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the bride being prepared by him and yet he is waiting for the moment the Father will give him permission to come and take up his bride.

The bride will be whole and complete when that last precious soul comes into his loving covering. Only the Father knows when it is. "The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to usward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance...his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness."

We have so much to look forward to as those who walk in faith regarding the promises of God. The union will be sweeter than we could ever hope to imagine. "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him". 1 Corinthians 2:9

The Fall Wrap Up

2011-11-02T14:00:00.001-05:00

I've been absent from real blogging for awhile. At least that is what it feels like. I know I've posted some things, but I don't think I've given any picture of what is going on in real life around here.

After my fairly predictable second emotional breakdown of the year (beginning of harvest), I soon got a reprieve from the stresses of single parenting for what feels like months on end. Thankfully, harvest this year went pretty steady and didn't see a lot of breaks which is nice for finishing up before snow fall, but difficult because there is no break when we see Deereandy. After last year, I decided I'd rather have a big push of harvest than stop and go for a few months.

If you can't tell or reason the obvious, seeding through harvest makes Deereandy's family miss him terribly. Every year I see the way it impacts Chirpee and Dimple and feel a sore need within myself to feel married again and not so alone in parenting.

That said, I am really, really, really bubbly PROUD of Deereandy and his hard work and his expertise. I know he is the best mechanic that God ever made. He is also sooooooo good at most things and has such a dedication to quality workmanship. He is the most intelligent man I know, the most tender and loving and unselfish man I know. And I GET TO BE MARRIED to him!!!!!

Now...if I could just stop plotting and scheming a new, work-from-home career for him! I have to remind myself the Lord has equipped and trained Deereandy to provide for our family, he has a great job, security in it and the Lord knew that I would struggle, too. He has grace and sustaining power for me in this (and our whole family).

The boys are growing and changing like little boys do. Chirpee is doing preschool one morning a week again this year and Dimple gets to run errands with mom while Chirp is in school. We moved them into the same bedroom together last week and they have been loving it. Chirpee enjoys putting Dimple "to bed", reading him a story, giving him "soft tickles" and praying with him. This afternoon he prayed, "I hope he has a good sleep and that he doesn't fall out of bed". Below is a little snippet of his bedtime routine.

Dimple is now in a toddler bed which has him on the floor every couple evenings, but he takes it well. Last night Deereandy and I went in to kiss them before going to sleep ourselves and Dimple had his head buried in his blankie resting on the mattress with the rest of his body standing up on the floor. I should have taken a picture, but of course I don't think about that until after we move him back into bed.

I am personally feeling better than I have in the past few years; probably since before pregnant with Chirps. It has been nice to smile again, to dance, to see life without a cloud repressing me. The Lord has really blessed me. Maybe that panic attack in summer is what I needed to get me here.

For a long while after, I struggled with my perspective and focus. It seemed I lost my drive to homeschool, be a mom, I felt rather directionless, but spinning around. I contemplated returning to nursing, sending Chirpee to public school next year and overall just lost my confidence and conviction about a lot of things.

"But those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength" And so I waited. I knew I shouldn't move in a cloud of confusion and so I determined I should wait upon the Lord to give me direction. "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path". I waited and he renewed my strength. He did more than that - he has lighted a path and restored my convictions and brought me peace and laughter and joy with life again. The value of which cannot be measured.

My mother-in-law, The Spoiler, has been a big help to me by allowing me a day to myself every Monday. I have come to covet that time. She watches my boys and even cooks supper for our family.

Since finding my energy again (with a lot of help from B-12 and mega doses of iron), I have been able to join a zumba class on Monday evenings as well as sing in the community choir "The Borderline Singers".

So there is my little wrap up. Maybe now I can continue my planned series on what brought Deereandy and I to the conclusion of homeschooling. I have about 20 posts in my head. We'll see if I can squeeze it into two or three more.

I Did It To Myself

2011-10-14T14:21:00.000-05:00

This is where we'd all rather be, right? A pile of fall leaves, rustling, not cold enough for a coat, but the sun is warming.

I am trying to envision myself there now.

Instead of here. Returned home from a trip to Superstore with two boys in a cart pushing each other, making grabs for things in the cart, whining, past snack time and approaching lunch time. Of course the cart would have to have a bum wheel, too. So my left forearm is burning from the effort of steering the overloaded cart.

We won't even talk of checkout and mommy's terse voice and Chirpee's pleading to get out of the cart and push the conveyor belt button and Dimple crying "'nack! 'nack!" as mommy rapidly stuffs her groceries into bags. "Don't you dare stand up in there, Chirpee!"

And of course they fall asleep on the ride home, aren't hungry after consuming a box of sugar filled fruit snacks from the store and ruin their precious afternoon naps.

Both play nicely in their rooms for awhile, but Chirpee is currently throwing a weeping fit because I won't let him out of "rest time" yet. And Dimple was caught emptying his dresser of his clothes. I didn't catch him until he had the WHOLE thing unloaded, of course. And he managed to take that time to poo his pants. So now he is cleaned up, reading books in bed (so I think) while listening to the wails of his brother and the clicking of the keyboard.

I am imagining the sun, warm on my face, leaves crunch beneath my feet and I slowly fall back into a large pile of luscious fall leaves, their scent filling my face and a smile.

Some Real Pictures

2011-10-06T22:42:00.000-05:00

Of my boys.

Just a few of some really fabulous pictures this young photographer took a couple weeks ago. Thanks, Anna for a fun time and some treasured memories of my boys.

All The Things I Never Say...About Manitoba :)

2011-10-05T21:00:00.000-05:00

I’ve spent a long time…missing out

on this place and missing

that place.

Always full of what I’ve lost and never filling

on what I’vegained

What wasn’t before.

I can feel cold

so cold it makesme gasp,

the sun dogs shine,

my coat creak,

and my hair turn instant icicles.

The discovery of a nostricle.

Turbulent oceans of snow stretch to the white edged sky;

making it difficult to distinguish the horizon.

And as much as I’ve wondered

I’ve tired.

of this cold, of the white,

of looking for trees

- when before they were just all around.

Enveloping me in green.

Green rises in the land late spring. Crops poking their heads through dark

soil moist from melted snows.

Such relief I never felt when winter was so brief.

The greening of these hillocks

lifts me.

Spring is messy here, I can dwell on that.

but I need to stop.

I’ve stopped my complaint over the heat and bugs

and sticky moisture of summer.

There is too little summer and spring and fall here

to bemoan a thing about the season.

I think I have been spoiled in a land of easy beauty.

To really have to see here takes finer senses.

It isn’t

as if

I haven’t

marveled at these machines

that crawl the countryside

that dig deep and turn

and feed millions of people;

one person doingthe work of many men.

A haze on the horizon from the dust of spring planting,

The dust in the air from harvest combining.

The winds that scathe this land;

the reason for the trees that have been planted.

Keep us sheltered

keep us from blowing over

keep the soil from barreling over

the Gulf of Mexico.

Keep the snows piled at bay.

The problem lies deep in me.

There really is no mistake that God has made.

It isn’t a fault in this place so much as

my resistance

to accepting.

Accepting this is where I must lay down my roots.

Taken up from western places

and western faces

- cherished

I must reach down and bury my feet

and let arms sink into such

open and exposed places.

Take it as my own.

while feelinglike an intruder

because I struggle to understand

the beauty.

Looking through the wrong lenses

this place looks threatening

but this is my home.

I have kept myself from getting too close.

Beautiful In His Time

2011-09-19T22:21:00.002-05:00

Learning. Perhaps the hard way? I have been fighting with the Lord and Captor of my heart. I want control, but he knows best. He knows all things. He gives us His best. He equips us.

But I'm tired and weak and don't want to if it means...any more from me.

Did I say that? Did I think it?

He gave his everything so that I might possess His everything and I can't give him everything?

Control because of fear. I fear all of those things I imagine. I think on it. It scares me and I let that keep me. Hold me in a white knuckled grip. The what ifs and perhaps whens. The constant pressure of what I think I should be, but will never measure up to. Who is the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect neighbor, perfect daughter? I can't make mistakes because God's grace has a limitation?

I haven't learned. I give back the reigns, let Him reign and the next breath might find me holding them again. How many times do I have to grab them back? Do I not trust Him?

The Jordan River

When I was baptized, wasn't I proclaiming a new life? Wasn't I letting go of my successes and abject failures? Wasn't I healed from the disease of sin?

Of course, I proclaimed new life. I have it eternally and await it in my flesh (then to fully possess it).

But I'm in a dying and aching flesh that reminds me I don't belong here. This is not my home. My sin continues.

I wish I had time in the day to remember. To read. Discipline to delve into the depths of the Word.

I wish I didn't do what I do or dwell upon the things that pull me into bad patterns of thought or attitudes. Sometimes my emotion runs so high my head can't keep above the waters. I gasp.

Lord, help me to not kick against you. Help me to trust your tender care of me. If I trusted you fully would I live in perfect peace?


"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee; because he trusteth in Thee."	Isaiah 26:3

Six Pics Of Over 200 To Choose From

2011-09-19T21:44:00.004-05:00

A random picture of my parents' front walk way. They have some new landscaping since I last saw their house in a blooming season. I thought it was very pretty. I am posting a few more random pictures from my late summer trip.

These photos are not because they are the cream of the crop, but simply I was impatient with downloading on Blogger and decided I wasn't going to do a whole post on my trip so I would just click on a few random photos and post. Now that, my friends, is a run on sentence.

Chirpee learned what a pillow fight was (and that you can jump on Wildfire's bed - she must have a cool mom). He was also spoiled by wearing some of Wildfire's pink jammies which matched his sparkly, pink fingernails. I think he feels deprived of an older sister (there's nothing we can do about - think on that).

Then there is Mr. Serious not acting entirely serious.

And my Dimple who we cannot take seriously when he dresses like this and handles weapons.

Or when he wears his life jacket in a kiddie pool with a distant relative who is absolutely adorable (just imagine her precious face).

"We Love To Fly - And It Shows"

2011-09-05T12:19:00.000-05:00

Above is pictured an old shed of ours that got blown over in the wind a couple years back. I thought this picture was a good representation of the beginning of my recent trip to visit my family.

Most of you know of my recent struggles. I think traveling as a single parent with a 20 month old "lap" child and an almost 4 year old was a real stretch for this mama. I decided I was either really brave or just plain old stupid.

The trip all in all went smooth as peanut butter...I was just falling apart inside. The day prior I called Deereandy in tears and was freaking out that I wasn't going to be ready to go and I was so tired and blah, blah, blah. He got me talked down after a long phone call. I got my errands finished and went back home to keep packing.

Things came together. I finally went to bed leaving my house a mess. I didn't sleep because fantasies of children with ear pain, dirty diapers, "have to go potty" moments and climbing over passengers with a huge wiggly toddler and a 3 year old were dancing in my head.

The drive to Winnipeg I sipped on an amino acid cocktail that my naturopath had given me for these moments I feel a "panic attack" coming on. It was an experiement, I couldn't take the meds the MD prescribed since I was traveling alone with two kids and it wouldn't do to be passed out on the seat with drool running down the corner of my mouth.

So I'm not sure if the amino acid cocktail helped or hindered, but by the time we were at the airport I had escalated emotionally and took another cocktail. Then starts in the stomach cramping and me crouched on the floor of the airport telling Deereandy I had no idea how I was going to do this. Maybe too much cocktail? Maybe not enough? Maybe it doesn't work? Whatever.

After Deereandy offers to buy a plane ticket and fly with us (then return home as soon as we arrived in Calgary) I saw the silliness of the situation. It would be ridiculous to spend that extra air fare, right? Just to hold my hand for two hours? Tempting...tempting....silly. "Just let me use the bathroom one more time and we'll go through security," I reply.

I won't go over the rest of the flight, but to repeat, smooth as peanut butter. I even once regretted not packing a book. I never even considered I might have time to myself! Dimple was asleep for over an hour - Chirpee watched cartoons and I was bored!

So glad we made the trip! It was worth it in the end.

Mom and Dad

2011-09-05T11:30:00.000-05:00

My Parents

Baby Prints

2011-09-05T11:25:00.000-05:00

The hospitals here don't foot print your babies upon arrival, so I regrettably don't have those imprints of tiny perfection from my boys.

THANKFULLY, Dimple wandered through my dad's garage and made his own a week ago and I was able to get his 20 month feet pictured. I failed to get Chirpee to walk through as well, but oh well.

His "ink pad".

Razzle-Dazzle-Berry Bars

2011-08-06T20:08:00.001-05:00

Chirpee got to help make dessert last night. This is always an exciting event for him (surprising since his mother is always a little snippy when she has to cook with him). We made a berry crumble something or other. We decided to call it razzle-dazzle-berry bars after an episode of Franklin. All of this to say.....

I only had one boy who liked dessert last night and it was my Dimple-I-don't-like-to-eat-dessert-or-try-anything-new-boy.

And I was shocked that Chirpee just sat and stirred his dessert around in the bowl and eagerly passed it to his father when Deereandy noticed he wasn't going to eat anymore. The first dessert I have met that Chirpee didn't like! Role reversal around our house last night!

Firsts...My Garden, Chirpee Using Mommy's Camera

2011-08-01T15:01:00.002-05:00

We had to run outside after lunch to pull laundry off the clothesline and pick a few more mature green beans from the garden. This is my first year for a real garden of our own, in our own backyard. Deereandy does a lot of work at keeping weeds at bay, so if it were simply "my" garden there would be more greenery to look at.

Chirpee was so insistent about using my camera - for the first time I buckled and showed him how to use it. Here is our adventure, pictures compliment of Monkey and Chirpee.

Checking In To See

2011-07-22T20:32:00.001-05:00

Well, after leaving a post about a panic attack and then one on suffering I suppose I should leave a post updating on how things are...

How is the Monkey doing? Better. Cured? No, but better. No other panic attacks (a few diverted). So what type of natural therapy am I on (I won't bore you with the meds)? Besides my adorable boys that I love to squeeze and smell and pinch? Okay, seriously, they may have a little to do with my panic attack. But I don't lie when I say I love to breathe them in and all their cuteness.

This is a "No", but I wanted to take a picture first.

Here is some natural therapy - leave the breakfast dishes to clean up after supper time.

I've never believed that this is good therapy so I've never tried it, but now I'm forced to go to bed at 10pm which leaves me behind on housework chronically.

You're thinking, "that's not too bad, what is she bemoaning?" You're right, we played outside most of the day and this is minimal collateral damage. Fast clean up.

Chirpee wanted Dimple's lambie for bedtime and I had to go on a quick search. It looks like he fell asleep on the kitchen floor waiting for Chirpee to finish his bath. They are now cuddled up together. Chirpee wanted Dimple's lambie the moment my mom gave it to the tiny few day old little guy. I've been able to keep it from Chirpee until June this year when I finally gave in. Dimple doesn't seem to have any great attachment, but Chirpee has always been enamoured.

This is a chronic site that is also uncharacteristic. Sleep is important, sleep is important for sanity, right? That is what I keep telling myself. I have always fancied that order was important for my sanity, but I'm treating this as temporary living. Kind of like pregnancy. I just have to check off the days until baby arrives (aka: a calmer version of me).

He's always a HUGE part of my natural therapy for living. Perhaps I depend on him too much, but I'm really so in love! I think he is more of a help to me than I ever have been to him. Maybe someday I'll be able to lift him up as much as he carries me.

I'm not reading books. I'm not staying up late turning pages.

Cutting computer time down. A LOT. A lot less facebook and blogging.

A weekend away with hubby sans children. I'd like to say it was healing, theraputic and amazing. It was incredibly hot and I worried about Dimple the whole time, restraining myself from calling grandma. Then I kept apologizing to Deereandy for my extreme fatigue and need for a nap.

But there were some really enjoyable moments. Some beautiful country that I've never seen in Manitoba and was happy to be introduced to.

Deereandy got to eat bread.

That made him happy.

This reminded me of my past life. Living near water with some gorgeous sunsets.

My anchor.

Better.

Burning Before Light

2011-07-14T12:29:00.000-05:00

"I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord:

for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung,

that I may win Christ."

(Philippians 3:8)

Shining is always costly. Light comes only at the cost of that which produces it. An unlit candle does no shining. Burning must come before shining. We cannot be of great use to others without cost to ourselves. Burning suggests suffering. We shrink from pain.

We are apt to feel that we are doing the greatest good in the world when we are strong, and able for active duty, and when the heart and hands are full of kindly service.

When we are called aside and can only suffer; when we are sick; when we are consumed with pain; when all our activities have been dropped, we feel that we are no longer of use, that we are not doing anything.

But, if we are patient and submissive, it is almost certain that we are a greater blessing to the world in our time of suffering and pain than we were in the days when we thought we were doing the most of our work. We are burning now, and shining because we are burning. (Evening Thoughts)

"The glory of tomorrow is rooted in the drudgery of today."

Many want the glory without the cross,

the shining without the burning,

but crucifixion comes before coronation.

(Streams in the Desert)

He Walks On Stormy Waters, He Calls, He Captures, He Calms

2011-06-27T20:51:00.001-05:00

Tonight's bedtime story was of Jesus calming the sea and I caught a couple words between the Chirps and Deereandy that caught me up.

Chirpee: "Why did the storm stop?"

Deereandy: "Because Jesus stopped the storm - he can stop it whenever he wants."

Whenever HE wants. He walks on water in the midst of a storm and He indicates I can walk on water in faith. I can do the impossible as I keep my eyes on Him. Peter looked at Jesus, climbed over the side of the boat, took steps on the top of the rocking sea. "But seeing the wind he became frightened". He took his eyes off Jesus, he looked at the magnificent wind and began to sink.

But Jesus didn't let him sink because of his lack of faith - he quickly lifts him from the water, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Jesus asked the disciple. So many things seem impossible as these waves billow up inside of me. I feel the calm shed its skin when I postulate on the "why did this happen", "what is wrong with me", "how will I ever...".

It wasn't a pattern of anxiety that pushed me over the edge, I may never have the answer, but Wednesday night I thought I was dying. Deereandy and I were running errands in town, I couldn't catch my breath well any longer, told him to go to ER or call 911 if he couldn't handle me passing out on him. "Just be safe, just be safe" I whispered.

I said a quick prayer for my boys, had peace that the Lord was able to care for our family, didn't have one worry for my soul after death. My heart raced a million beats ahead of me, swam like a fish in my chest, warm heat flooded my body and tingling poured down my extremities. My breath came through a tight straw and I felt myself slipping. Losing control over my body. Tremoring shook me, my limbs felt paralyzed, I couldn't open my eyes, I kept trying to brush my hand on Deereandy's so he would worry I had died in the passenger seat as he sped down the highway to ER.

I couldn't move so I was lifted out of the car by an EMT and brought into the trauma room. The staff quickly ascertained I was still breathing which helped them rule out imminent death. It really was so simple. A panic attack. Blood pressure and pulse up, but oxygen levels good - hyperventilation. All I needed was some good 1:1 time with a brown paper bag retrieving my own CO2 to balance my acid-base balance in my blood stream.

Why am I blogging about this? I am not sure. I don't like my weaknesses to be exposed, but writing has always been theraputic for me as well. I have no answers, I don't feel in control of my body, but I am trying to remember that I don't have to know. I don't have to have control because I know the One who made me. I know the One who knew it would happen. I know the One who calls me to walk to Him in faith - knowing He provides abundantly for all of my needs.

My flesh is weak. I am so filled with pride at times, I pretend that I am more capable than I am. So this is humbling for me. So many people know what happened and it bothers me, irks me that so many know my weakness. Pride - nasty, rotten, decomposing pride. There it is. Maybe if I expose my pride, in my weakness the Lord will show Himself faithful and true.

The past few days I've felt "ramped up" like I am ready to fall over the edge again, I've been on medication that makes me feel groggy and drugged. I've slept more hours than I ever remember sleeping at any time in my life. Others have taken my children for me and my husband has become my nurse and protector and spent many hours researching things that might help me.

Today, I've taken less drugs, felt more alert, feel less "ramped" and a little more like myself. Then again, I am not sure what feeling like myself is supposed to feel like. I remember how I felt a long time ago when I enjoyed little things in life more fully. I want to see each moment as precious. I want to live in each moment and see the blessing, the grace. I want my vision to be filled with Jesus, that I may walk on water. That my life might be a miracle to testify of His great power.

I know the Lord will calm the seas when he decides it is time. I may not understand His ways, but I do understand His passionate love to me. He is the great shepherd and I am "like a little wandering lamb, lost upon the hills I am. Like a shepherd Jesus stands, holding out his blessed hands. 'Come' he says, 'come back to me, little lamb I died for thee. I will take thee to my home, little lamb I pray thee come. I would have thee lie at rest, little lamb, upon my breast, thou shalt be my sweet delight. All the day and all the night."

Scripture references taken from (NASB) Matthew 14:22-26

Word For My Day

2011-06-25T10:59:00.000-05:00

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden , and I will give you rest . Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

"Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say , Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made : marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Psalm 139:7-14

Sometime I might blog about why these verses are important to me right now, but right now...I just need to rest in them.

A Daughter-Mother Reflection

2011-06-18T21:37:00.007-05:00

Dad with my nephew this past December

My dad. I remember so many things. Roller skating in the garage and driveway with the arid summer breeze and scorching sun. Rock 'n Roll tunes from the '50s blaring from the AM radio and winding my way around the case of TAB between the two bays. Dad under the hood, dad under the car, grease caught in your finger creases, the smell of gasoline, motor oil. Wiping your hands on an old rag.

Then you were scooping me up from the child's seat lying in the dirt after a crash on your bicycle in a bike-a-thon. I crying and frightened by the sight of your blood. How could this man who could do ALL things be mortal like me? Daddy can get owies, too?

You took the afternoon to show me how to ride my bike, running alongside me and then letting go. You watching me fall and encouraging me to climb up again. It didn't take long with your help and persistence.

Jeep rides, long drives, "going to Toppenish" with four children and four pbj's in tow, swimming, chasing, washing cars, camping, motor cycles, hugs, tickle attacks, good night kisses and tuck ins, road trips, parades, washing cars, night time tubing down the sliding hill...memories are crashing in on me as I write these things. I think I could fill up sheets of paper with the sweet memories of a childhood greatly shaped by you. I remember so many things. And I know I don't remember that much.

I couldn't know the stresses of providing for or lovingly serving a family. I couldn't see the sacrifices in great depth. But I did know. I knew the fierce love and protection. I knew the pride and affection. I knew your hopes and dreams for me. I knew that things would be okay because dad and mom were here for me. And I knew my dad could beat up anyone else's dad.

But one of my favorite remembrances is of waking up in your arms, as you lift me off grandma's couch, carry me into the moonlight of the summer night. The sound of the wooden screened porch door swinging shut as I close my eyes tight against letting you know I was awake. I didn't want that moment to end. As if my eyes open would mean you'd put me down to use my own two feet. Peaking through one eye slit at the moon, the gentle, heavy-scented breeze blanketing me and your strong arms to place me in the car.

Now maybe if I could just keep my eyes shut another moment now; I could see you here. I wouldn't have to take care of my responsibilities, I could just lay my head back and drink in the night and my smallness in your strong arms and the jostle from your walking over the fresh cut lawn.

We are separated by hundreds of miles that number over 2000, but we really aren't so far apart since God used you to make me and I cannot just disconnect over simple movements in geography.

____________________________________________________________________________

Add caption

Their daddy. My flesh. It has been a joy for me to discover you as a father. The way it has revealed how deep your patience can run, how deep your laugh lines can get and how much you have to share with these boys. I can't imagine a better man, but I hope our boys grow to be as wonderful as their daddy is. You are a wise father even though "young" (wink, wink).

Chirpee constantly is repeating things you say, telling me how to hold screw drivers, that he needs to "mow again before planting the grass", many times a day he pretends he's working on broken things (often referring to things you are currently working on). He's watching you so intently and learning about how a boy is and watching you for how to be a man. He trusts you. He loves you.

You are a ray of sunshine in Dimple's day. He is overjoyed to see you each evening. I know as he continues to grow, he'll be imitating you as well. My boys admire their daddy just like I do. You are the highlight of our everyday.

Everyday I think on how blessed I am to have you. I am blown away (and I mean everyday) that you chose me. You are patient, you are kind, you are gentle with us, you are longsuffering, you are not quick to anger, you put your family ahead of yourself all the time. You are incredibly hardworking, you do all things well (as unto the Lord). I hope our boys will grow up to take possession of the deep character you demonstrate to our family. I hope they have at least half of your intelligence. That should set them up well in life as you are a major brain! There is no one like you and I thank God everyday that we have you.

Seedtime and Harvest

2011-06-12T21:45:00.002-05:00

Sunday sleeping in a child's bed.

After Sunday meeting, Deereandy and Chirpee went downstairs to play while Monkey made some lunch and Dimple went down for an early nap. It has been a crazy, busy week of seeding around the countryside and Deereandy fell asleep on Chirpee's bed; who was more than happy to tuck him in.

God's Judgement - A Little Too Much?

2011-06-08T09:24:00.000-05:00

I enjoyed this blog post this morning and thought I'd link to it for any that ponder if God's Old Testament law is perhaps a bit too harsh. I know I've struggled through these thoughts myself and found Dr. Lisle handled the matter in a concise and true light.

One Year Anniversary

2011-06-07T12:50:00.002-05:00

It is coming up, anyway. My one year of gluten free.

They say "time heals all wounds" (which can be argued against for sure), but I would say in this particular instance - it has. I have learned how to live apart from gluten. We are experiencing a somewhat amicable divorce.

Oh, there are moments that I really miss my famous buttermilk pancakes, sticky buns, toast and jam and even things as simple as not worrying about eating different meat dishes in a restaurant for fear of additives and gluten in sauces. But I no longer spend my days thinking about all the things I am denied of; all the cookie dough I can't eat, the semolina pasta - I'd better stop there. The pasta reminder hurts a little.

Gluten in my life has been like a drug that I've been forcibly made to give up. It makes me ill enough that I know (as soon as I get a drift of fresh bread) there is no fluffy, spongy, sweetened item worth the consequences. I suppose, though, if it really were like a drug - that probably wouldn't be enough to stop me. Many chemical addicts out there are well aware of the misery in their lives related to drugs and still find themselves weakened against temptation. Probably a poor example on my part.

The upside of things is that I lost 15 lbs without trying because of our amicable separation (there are some other changes I made so don't get discouraged if you tried gluten-free and didn't lose weight, too).

Belated Thoughts On Mexican Easter Celebrations

2011-06-07T12:27:00.001-05:00

Why would I have thoughts on a Mexican Easter Celebration in the first place? I really don't know much about Mexico's cultural traditions surrounding the resurrection celebration, but I do know one little tidbit. That little tidbit had me a little appalled.

The PTA at my mother's school made some gifts for the teachers this year at Easter time. My mom sent them along in a package of other things for my boys.

Are these adorable or what?

So these are egg shells that have been hand painted and filled with paper confetti (after the egg was taken out and inside dried). A little tissue paper is glued over the end that was filled with confetti.

Apparently, these fragile creations that take a good amount of time to make, are hid on Easter morning for children to find. When they find them...

They step on them and smash them.

It Is Bitter and It Is Sweet

2011-06-02T22:24:00.000-05:00

Today was Chirpee's end of the year preschool party.

Dimple is typically a little overwhelmed by new places and faces. After insisting on me holding him for the first 20 minutes or so, I put him on the ground and he walked right up to this man and patted his legs. The man talked with him a bit, Dimple was happily jabbering to him and he finally picked him up and set him on his knee. They continued to play with playdough for nearly an hour together. I thought of taking Dimple back, but they both actually seemed to be having a ball together.

Chirpee was enamored with the semi and trailer. The addition of pink playdough for a ramp was a major bonus as pink is his current favorite color.

A little story time was attempted, but never really accomplished. Too much extraneous noise and kids who just wanted a snack.

Part (most) of Chirpee's class. Please excuse the nose picking...no one pictured is over four years old (she's darn cute anyway).

Chirpee receiving his certificate of completion from his teachers. They also had a neat book for the kids filled with pictures from the year of school together.

Sweet - well it was. Chirpee loved his school this year. He had a lot of fun and it was nice to see him get to know more of the kids around the area. He's learned a few more songs and games and had some fun crafts and field trips.

The bitter. I am just torn as to what to do with him next year. I hate making decisions. Part of me wants him to continue another year of preschool a day a week. The other part of me isn't sure that it won't end up making him a little sad that he won't be going to the "big school" the following year with his classmates. I want him to be excited about home schooling and at age 4/5 what can he understand about the reasons we are keeping him home?

On my walk tonight I was reflecting on how this past year God has been building a foundation of conviction about our decision to home school. The future is overwhelming to me from this vantage point. I don't spend time thinking on it much. I just remember that it isn't happening now, but I keep on praying, researching and the Lord keeps on convincing my heart and mind about the benefits of home schooling children.

Oh well! We'll see what happens. Tonight I just need to go to bed. These days I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Tenderhearted Parenting

2011-06-01T14:50:00.002-05:00

What I desire to have. A gentle spirit. A quiet home. Not quiet in the sense of no noise, but quiet in the sense of strife. I have been feeling terribly convicted about my attitude as a mother and the way I interact with my boys. How often my responses are simply out of an exhausted core that wants to run away from the demands of her family. I've read this before and so I'm reading it again because there are many nuggets of wisdom here for parents. I'm praying for a heart that beats for her home.

Trying Not To Cry...

2011-06-01T14:41:00.001-05:00

From the irritation in my eyes; trying another pair of contacts. I just can't seem to give up the idea of contacts since my eyes look like little dimes in my eyeglasses. Good thing God gave me big eyes so they actually show up in my out-of-this-world-big-as-life-coke-bottle prescription glasses. This post is worthy of a picture of me in glasses. Oh well, I'm blinking too rapidly to take pictures with and without contacts. Just know.

Just Like Daddy

2011-06-01T14:34:00.002-05:00

A Problem That Hasn't Gone Away

2011-05-31T17:30:00.002-05:00

Taken from the Days of Praise Devotional -

Worship of Idols and Demons

by Henry Morris, Ph.D.

"They sacrificed unto devils, not to God; to gods whom they knew not, to new gods that came newly up, whom your fathers feared not." (Deuteronomy 32:17)
This terrible indictment was in the farewell song of Moses, written just before the tribes of Israel prepared to enter the Promised Land. Perhaps Moses was thinking mainly of the golden calf fashioned by Aaron, who had told the people: "These be thy gods, O Israel" (Exodus 32:4).
Aaron and the people certainly knew that the man-made calf was not "gods," but they knew that there were many invisible spirit beings in the world and that these "devils" (actually fallen angels) could indwell images made by men as objects of worship. These evil spirits do possess certain powers, which can be used to impress their worshippers with the magical insights and abilities of the images.
This was also a problem in the early church. Paul warned his converts at Corinth: "The things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to devils, and not to God: and I would not that ye should have fellowship with devils" (1 Corinthians 10:20). John’s closing word to his own flock was: "Little children, keep yourselves from idols" (1 John 5:21).
And it is a serious problem today--not only in those lands where images and animalistic spirits abound, but even in the "Christian" West, both in the proliferating New Age cults and in those "mainline" churches that have diluted sound Bible teaching with humanism and ritualistic pantheism. And remember, too, that "covetousness" (that is, coveting money, or power, or anything more than the will of God) "is idolatry" (Colossians 3:5). When the prince of these devils himself sought the worship of Jesus, the Lord answered: "Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve" (Matthew 4:10). We need to remember and follow His example. HMM

What Qualifies Me?

2011-05-23T15:29:00.006-05:00


An unfinished preschool board for Chirpee's bedroom.

To be a teacher. Why was it on my list of "never"s? I have not proven to be a good communicator of ideas quite a few times in my life. I have no particular desire or passion to interact with children. My dream job was always one where I could exercise a lot of autonomy and deal with the sciences in some degree - research, laboratory perhaps?

In high school, my old fifth grade teacher asked if I would tutor her son in math once a week. Sounded like a way to make extra money, math posed no real problems in my world...so after little deliberation on the idea - SURE! He was getting an F in math at the time so I figured I certainly couldn't screw his grades up. Well, I was very disappointed that after months of tutoring...he was still getting a pretty solid F. I tried presenting ideas to him from a variety of different angles, but he always had that dull expression in his eyes as I would speak to him. I often wondered where he would go to when we sat down at the library table to do algebra. I never believed in stupidity (and still don't), I just knew I wasn't reaching him.

My life has been surrounded by excellent public educators. Ones that came home in the evening and couldn't talk about much else. My father and mother are passionate about their chosen professions - have given everything to them, having an earnest desire to watch children succeed in learning. My oldest sister, from very young, aspired to be a school teacher - and she was until her second daughter was born. My grandfather was a college mathematics professor who could not contain his enthusiasm for much ANYTHING as he was passionate about the workings off ALL things. It was from their personal stories (which I listened intently to, even if they didn't realize), that I saw my own inadequacies in being able to control a classroom enough to even dream of communicating ideas to them.

I have friends as well that are EXCELLENT teachers who have given me other insights as well.

From good educators - I learned that loving learning was NOT the same as being an EXCELLENT teacher. A teacher is not always perfect in knowledge, a teacher is not always the top of the class, a teacher has a heart for seeing individuals blossom. An excellent teacher cannot teach apart from having a disciplined classroom. An excellent teacher finds creative ways to communicate with a variety of personalities and learning styles.

From bad educators (and I've experienced too many), I learned there are a lot of smart people out there that should have chosen different careers.

Now, these are things I've learned from experiences. From growing up in the family I grew up with, from my time spent public schooling, from dear friends and other family in the profession, from time in college classes. I have never taken a class on education.

Characters from Janet Brett stories on each day of the week.

So my experiences have taught me what a good teacher is. Do they qualify me? They simply encouraged me to add teaching to my list of "never"s. I would be one of those teachers that loved the subject I was teaching, but never had the respect or love of the students. I knew myself as well. Children have been hard for me to relate to.

So, maybe it is buying a good curriculum, then? A good textbook? Maybe that is the trick! Most know I never went to school to be a teacher, so I certainly have no state or government recognition of competence.

1 Samuel 16:7 "But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Other than the Creator Himself, who LOVES these children more than Deereandy and I? Who cares more that they will be prepared for REAL LIFE, than Deereandy or I? Who cares more for their souls than us?

The Lord equips those He calls. The God who put it on the heart of Deereandy and Monkey to homeschool has promised provision for each day. There has been a process He has led us through to become convinced that this is what His best is for our family.

It is really that simple. Because of my perceived inadequacies, I find the idea daunting to explain fractions to my boys (they made me cry when I had to learn them) - I KNOW I will have strength and ability.

I will try to edit this post soon with scripture references for the above statements. My laptop battery is running out and I want to get this posted before the boys get up from naps.

Belated Update

2011-05-23T09:20:00.000-05:00

We took Dimple to the pediatrician in April. He has much improved since the begining of that month and has been inhaler/antihistamine free for a month and a half! We also started to reintroduce dairy in his diet and he seems to be tolerating it in small doses. I haven't given him a glass of milk yet (since the rest of us aren't drinking it). One of these days I'll get around to acquiring some more Daisy milk and let him have at it!

A Beginning For Homeschool

2011-05-21T21:10:00.004-05:00

There are just not enough hours in a day!!!! [Insert hair pulling] Phew! Glad I got that off my mind. I have so much I want to share in regards to the past 3+ years of processing and hiding my processing about homeschooling. Maybe I should have blogged it in doses so I didn't feel compelled to write a book. I think my book has already been written by others so I won't bother.

There is a little list that I keep (and I think we all have one like it). It contains my meager statements of "never"s. I quickly learned (as a teen, in fact) to stop saying "I will never" because it often leads you down that exact trail or with your big foot inserted into your mouth later on. I would like to share a few things on my list. Things I only put on there if I'm 1000% sure I will not change my mind on.

My list of things I will/could NEVER do:

- become a nurse
- live in Seattle
- online date
- cloth diaper my babies without diaper service
- be a teacher
- homeschool my kids

Time to Review:

- became a nurse in 2000 - worked until 2007
- lived in Seattle 2001 - 2003
- cloth diaper - going on two years
- online date - eHarmony (even met my Deereandy there - blush, blush)

So that just leaves me with two things...be a teacher and homeschool. Doh!

I honestly can't think of ANYTHING else on that list...but if I do, I'll come back and edit this post.

The point is - this is the beginning. My putting it on the list of "never"s is like viewing the will of God for my life. The beginning of my path down investigating homeschool. Chirpee wasn't even two weeks old when I thought, "can you do it? Can you send this little boy away to public school?"

And now two shots of Dimple. We must be fair.

It was a mind blowing thought because I'd never desired anything different. I made it clear to Deereandy early in our courtship...I had no intention of homeschooling my children and if he needed a little tutor for his kids - he'd better press on to find her :)

I had no intention of socially stunted children and I (along with millions of our generation) had been FINE in spite of our public education. It is a family, afterall, that makes all the difference. Right?

Another evening I'll share more of my beginning, Lord willing.

General Announcements

2011-05-17T07:04:00.002-05:00

There is more information to come. I was planning on writing a letter explaining my indepth processing and Deereandy and my final conclusion, but saw this video and thought she'd announce it better for me. Since that is all people worry about most anyway. Lord willing, we will be homeschooling our boys. This post is also an encouragement to me. I look forward to what I know is a daunting task and pray for His miraculous grace in the journey.

Another week of winter?

2011-05-13T14:39:00.001-05:00

The mornings wouldn't be complete the past couple of weeks with out Chirpee's "semi" parked in my kitchen. He is also making soup with Dimple in this picture. A few minutes after pictures were done he was on his back under the "trailer" fixin' things. "Ya, it broken. I have to fix it."

I can say there have been too many days in the house the past week. Personally, I can find a lot to tinker with indoors that will hold my attention and contentment just fine. But now that I am a mom; we HAVE to go outside. A glorious, semi-warm, sunny day is in order. The whole of Southern Manitoba would in fact appreciate this NOW. That is another story which I won't take time to blog about. Click the link if you are curious.

Oh Look! Poor Dimple has reached the end of his happy journey. It is fitting because all cherishable childhood moments end about the time mommy pulls out her camera. But this moment has its own endearments. I actually took a lot of pictures before helping Dimple out and did feel a little like a bad mom because of it. Chirpee was very happily whirling Dimple around a racetrack in the living room on his "semi and trailer" prior to this moment.

So we have to find fun things to do since we've been more housebound, but Chirpee has been able to put on the winter clothing and play with his trucks in the wet yard. He lasts a lot longer than I would out there (is this really a surprise?).

To top it all off - it has been flurry-ing all day today. Thankfully we are warm enough that it isn't accumulating, but the constant grey and wet won't be missed.

So we play and we play on. There can be no end to play when you are three and one and a mommy of thirty-five.

Playing

2011-05-05T13:53:00.003-05:00

I didn't get pictures this morning, but was reminded of the gender of my children by their outside time playing.

Chirpee: "Look mom!" sticking his muddy tongue out while rubbing dirt on his lips
Mom: "Oh, Liam NO! That is not okay." Note to self: 'really? is it a big deal? back off mom.'
Mom: "From Dimple I would expect dirt in his mouth, but you're 3 and a half...a little too big for that."

               Chirpee continues to pile dirt up over his legs trying to bury himself.

Chirpee: "This okay mommy?" sweeping dirt all around
Mom: "ya, that's fine"

                  few minutes pass

Mommy and Chirpee talking as he is shoveling dirt over his loader trying to bury it in a hill. I glance at Dimple to find him smearing dirt on his tongue.

Dimple: "pbst, pbst, pbst!" while he scrunches up his face. He is later found lying belly down in grass, tearing up leaves and ripping up grass. Good times :)

I do have a few pictures from yesterday morning. Still cold here, but no snow at the moment (we take it moment by moment until end of May this year). Dimple has a fancy habit with his tongue. I was able to catch him here and it is one of those little delights to my day! Love his curling tongue!

Chirpee really didn't need the hat. I tried to convince him his hair would keep his head insulated enough, but he insisted.

Dimple getting to use our dollar store purchase from last year (the tools, not the loader). He sure has more toys than Chirpee did at his age. Good thing, too, Chirpee rarely lets him play with any.

Gone For The Season OR Spring Is Finally Here

2011-04-25T21:56:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I'm being melodramatic about gone for the season (a little anyway). Deereandy is working an all-day-er today so I guess this is the beginning of the 2011 "farming-steels-my-husband" days. I miss him already.

In other news, this is really the beginning of our many days of playing outside. We had happy boys today in the bright sunshine and relative warmth of late April. We said good-bye to the last remaining pile of snow in the front yard today and spotted bees, flies, tulips reaching up, green grass trying to stretch its long arms above the mess of our winter compacted snow reside, and lots of complaints when it was time to go back inside.

Dimple is going to keep me on my toes this summer. He is the ever busy explorer, happy to go anywhere but where mommy wants him to stay.

Liam Learning to Pedal

2011-04-23T20:42:00.000-05:00

Blossoming and Exploding

2011-04-23T10:00:00.001-05:00

Chirps is bursting at the seems with ideas these days. He can't help but have numerous conversations with invisible characters, make very dramatic impressions and conjure up fabulous stories. Above is Chirpee with Dimple on the bus. Dimple has the tickets and Chirpee has a bag of tickets and flatware? Not sure on why the need for flatware, but I'm sure there was a rationale.

The daily train. It runs during banker hours.

Making "pink muffins" using a variety of tools. They are on the stovetop (Rubbermaid container). To the left you will note the mixing bowl and the pan on the back burner of his oven. That is where the soup is simmering.

I was never explained as to why he piled all the toys in here, but he was quite proud of himself that he fit so much in. Not pictured is the little shopping cart. It was on the stack most of the day, but Dimple loves to push that around so we had to salvage it from the stash.

Easter Song

2011-04-22T14:18:00.000-05:00

This song was written and performed by Second Chapter of Acts, but another favorite version of mine is here:

Holiness of The Holy One

2011-04-20T19:26:00.003-05:00

View of the Temple Mount's foundation and rubble from the Pinacle of the Temple.

"Remember the perfections of that God whom you worship, that he is a Spirit, and therefore to be worshiped in spirit and truth; and that he is most great and terrible, and therefore to be worshiped with seriousness and reverence, and not to be dallied with, or served with toys or lifeless lip-service; and that he is most holy, pure, and jealous, and therefore to be purely worshiped; and that he is still present with you, and all things are naked and open to him with whom we have to do. The knowledge of God, and the remembrance of his all-seeing presence, are the most powerful means against hypocrisy."

-- Richard Baxter (English Puritan church leader)

I appreciated this quote as it is personally convicting as to how I approach worship. I am so easily distracted and often take the bread and wine with little consideration.

It also reminds me of the petty and divisive nature music styles and church appearances have played in North American Christianity. As Christ's body, we have become over-concerned with what we look like to the outside world and how to please ourselves than how to please a most holy and precious God!

Not Talking

2011-04-15T09:44:00.000-05:00

Mums the word around here regarding snow in the three day forecast for April 15-17. Not saying a word, but having lots of thoughts!

Resurrection Before Passover

2011-04-11T21:15:00.002-05:00

This weekend Dimple with daddy keeping him out of the mud puddles (no boots!).

A picture from the past ... what it can be!

DISCLAIMER for Deereandy's sake - the grass pictured is newly planted and uncut. This should explain the patchyness and length. The shed in the back is the previous shed, the top picture is one of Deereandy's last year projects. He has since cut back the lilacs and hedge as well (although I liked the hanging over look).

This evening brought a fresh glimpse of spring. After a few miserable, cloudy, rainy days with ugly, blackened snow banks everywhere, a reprieve. Bright sky, sunlight warming, pavement drying, snow banks continue to recede at amazing rates, robins and other birds arriving back after a long winter to sing their songs in our piece of country. How blessed I am today.

It is always with excitement and trepidation that I greet spring. Spring is delightful in and of itself, but too quickly after the heat of summer begins to rise. I really struggle with summer at times. My energy lags and I feel uncomfortable (at times ill) from the heat. NOT this year, though. Four Manitoba winters have officially cured my typical approach to spring. For the first time I can remember, I am so hungry for grass and trees and birds and beauty that I give nary a thought to the insects, humidity and heat of summer.

And all it took was four Manitoba winters! That's pretty good in my book!

The Winter Doldrums and Remedies

2011-04-06T14:57:00.002-05:00

Our Imagination Is Expanding "The train yard is weally busy"

To alleviate the winter boredom around here.

Inspection and Taste Test?

Inpatient

2011-04-05T13:31:00.000-05:00

I hear the birds – those robins

speaking to each other outside my window

and a pit drops into my stomach

when I think of you

and imagine myself as you

feeling trapped in a tower

unable to be with the birds of spring.

Now you may not love robins in spring time,

but there is something so sweet to you

that you must

be missing it

feeling the loss of it.

I would feel my life being sucked from my skin

if I couldn’t go outside

if I couldn’t hear

and smell

and breathe in

the living world.

So I imagine myself as you

though I am not you.

And I feel sorrow and loss and anxiety

that you have more to endure

with uncertain outcome.

I am sad, I am scared,

I am grieving.

3/26/03

for Shannon

Poetry Break

2011-04-05T13:20:00.002-05:00

I remember your hair

orange amber piled high atop your top

and all over your body

except your young shoulders were

bare and strong.

I remember your hair

dark, natural curl

that Filipino bounce.

Your family brought scarves and

combs to brush away and cover.

I remember your hair

thick and white, smelling nice

reminding me of my grandpa

You were dressed so nicely as you

came for chemotherapy.

I remember your hair

lying in your bed, red.

Scattered on the floor, in the corners

of the room

you would toss it at me.

I remember your hair

lying in your bed, short-times.

Family members, mother, changing

sheets and trying to keep

your lovely hair from covering the room.

I remember your hair

was there and then was gone.

I don’t recall the days it left itself

for me to wade through and pick off

my clothes.

But I do remember

Your heads.

The smoothness,

The flat parts,

The bumps,

me wanting to pull them to myself in an embrace

to give the comfort and safety that is beyond myself. 9/13/03

Tiger Katie - A Memoir

2011-03-29T22:05:00.008-05:00

Slowly injecting Narcan into the y-site of her IV line, I am sitting on a folding chair beside her. She lies on the bed, ballooned up with blood, edematous from internal hemorrhaging. Skin so yellow she glows like a dandelion, skin so moist and beaded up with sweat. Chestnut hair lies dry-damp upon her pillow. Katie. Tiger Katie. Fought so hard - and she WON!

No detectable cancer! What incredible joy must have filled her after all the misery the prior year of treatments had caused. Chemo, blocked stents, replaced stents. She is a tigress. Back to Alaska, rid herself of that dead beat husband and was making it on her own! Cholangiocarcinoma – incurable. Cured.

Katie came down from Alaska to fight this battle. Armed herself with the doctor who is a tiger and together…they fought. They won.

“Please God; don’t let her die on my shift. Keep her breathing 8 times a minute.” That was my personal cut off for her – not nursing practice. School says 10 times a minute – if breathing less you give Narcan. Give her medicine to keep her breathing. The medicine will reverse the narcotic which suppresses breathing. The narcotic gone - pain. The pain of stents in her racked liver and blood filling every gap in her tissue; expanding beyond. Billowing her up.

I look at the clock, give a quarter of a dose, count, count, count…….count, count…count, count, and count. Eight breaths. I stay beside her. Her mother went to get something to eat in the cafeteria. I watch, I pray. She needs to keep breathing until her mother changes her mind.

Her heart. It was all about her mother’s heart. Katie had been dying for a couple weeks, but a few days ago lost consciousness. She lost her tiger growl. Now mama has to step in. She calls the shots as her daughter fills with the sanguine life. Katie’s body can’t clot off properly. Too much damage. Too much chemo.

How does a mother decide it is okay to say, “No more. Let her go?” It is the right thing to do, but how a mother doubts. How a mother second-guesses every tiny decision in regards to her babies. And you ask her to say “Stop!”

Why hasn’t that doctor talked to mama tiger? Doesn’t she understand there is no reversal now? Why are we all here? Why has this happened?

For if she dies, I am required to push upon her fluid filled chest. We are required to make her last breaths violent – bloody. We are supposed to completely reverse her pain control; crowd in a room of staff and medical students…mama tiger would be pushed into the hall. Without mama's permission to NOT DO THIS THING we are left without option. Is this a better way for her to die than in a quiet room with a mama by her side? Holding her hand, stroking her hair, wiping down her beaded forehead with a cool cloth?

Six breaths. A “whiff” of Narcan. Not too much or it’s gonna make Katie wince. My folding chair vigil. “Keep her breathing, Lord. Help her mama say it is OKAY. It is okay to let her baby go.” How can a mother let her baby go?

My Babies

2011-03-27T20:28:00.004-05:00

I thought it was time I announced my most recent addition to our family unit. A quaint little colony of symbiotic yeast and bacteria (I can hear the awwwww's). We have been experimenting with water kefir because of its many health benefits. It does smell a little yeasty, but tastes surprisingly light and non-alcoholic. Well, barely alcoholic. It is estimated the culture will ferment to make the resulting drink between 1-3% alcohol (unless you ferment it in juice which can make a real brew). I haven't tried the many flavoured drinks and soda you can make with kefir.

We've had the culture going for over a month, but it was a struggle initially because I was growing some sludge in it as well. Now that I've discovered the culprit of the ooky stuff, we've pretty much finished with it and my babies are reproducing and flourishing!

My other little one is a batch of naturally fermented vanilla extract. It definitely has a richer flavor and I'm enjoying using it in various recipes. I get especially delighted when I put a little in Andrew's morning kefir (now before anyone gets their panties too knotted...I add a tsp to a quart of kefir...really NOT intoxicating).

The mother and her offspring along with the vanilla interloper.

Look at the grains dance and produce a luxurious foam. Not every water kefir culture can do that! Mine is special <3.

Ski

2011-03-27T20:13:00.000-05:00


The Gear

The Test "Run"

Moroccan Stew

2011-03-18T18:43:00.000-05:00

I don't think anyone mistakes our family for vegetarians, but I do love a good vegetarian dish now and then. So when I discover the first vegetarian (vegan actually) dish that Deereandy LOVES - well I plan on making it again, anyway!

We had this tasty dish when we were visiting some friends in BC. S graciously made it for dinner and has since divulged where she got the recipe.

So tonight I tried to make it myself. It was just as yummy as I remember it; although next time I'll cut my sweet potatoes into smaller cubes.

The saute.

Bowl of tomatoes, chick peas and sweet potatoes.

The many and volumous spices.

The three at the last five minute simmer.

Happily together and ready to simmer.

The unhappy conclusion is Deereandy worked late tonight, grabbed a Tim Horton's sandwich and won't get to enjoy it. Until tomorrow that is. I've made a pot big enough for many meals and neither of my children appreciate the spice variety so I can't count on them helping out!

Begining to Count

2011-03-08T22:11:00.006-06:00

North shore Sea of Galilee

I have been reading a phenomenal book that I wish I could afford to send to so many people. It is just one of those books that I think every person who has a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus would find many levels to relate on.

Below are a few thoughts from my journal in regards to "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp

Page 154:

"He gave us Jesus. Jesus! Gave him up for us all. If we have only one memory, isn't this one enough? Why is this the memory I most often take for granted?...If God didn't withhold from us His very own Son, will he withhold anything we need?"

How TRUE! Why do I so often forget and react to things as if I deserve better or different? Why do I so often WANT something with the expectation that I have a right to it? Hasn't the Father given me more in the single act of saving grace than I deserve or have any claim to? If this were it and I was condemned to live out my fleshly life devoid of blessing...shouldn't this single grace to my eternal soul be enough blessing to keep me humbly, eternally, joyfully grateful?

But true to His nature...He gives sooooooo much more. He can't help himself. And true to my nature...I am busily focused on my frustrations or trials. I can't be bothered to think of such amazing things that are around me everyday...like Liam's discovery that his wet fingers resemble raisins, or Elijah's belly laughter at his brother's rough play?

Page 156:

"Trauma's storm can mask the Christ and feelings can lie." Enough said.

Page 174:

Quote from FB Meyer: "Well, theories and theology stillbirth unless they can take on some skin, breathe in the polluted air of this world, and make it happen."

This is the crux of it for me. I am almost finished with the book - all the while feeling excited at the prospects of living in gratitude and making a list of a thousand plus things! I can go away from this book energized and within a short time get bogged down in the routine and busyness of life. I can neglect the list making...I'll remember to write that down later and then forget. It will turn into a theory and theology that ends in stillbirth in my own life.

But I want to fight for this. I want to fight my selfish tendencies and navel gazing that I might grasp what joy is in living the everyday. I know it may not be in every moment and everyday, but I want to fight for an eternal perspective and cultivate a heart of gratitude. I am unpracticed, so terribly unpracticed in this. It isn't as simple as a formula...write it down and you'll have magic joy from above! It is something we have to fight for. A discipline I have to cultivate in my everyday.

Page 176

"Joy transcends all other emotions."

I have experienced overwhelming joy amidst a heart in complete shreds. A time in my life when I couldn't get out of bed in the morning and had to ask Jesus for help in the simplest things...and he helped me not only get out of bed, but go to school, go to work and run home to His Word every afternoon with an animal hunger.

I get frustrated because so many believers seem to distinguish the joy and grief as two distinct happenings when they truly can coexist! GRIEF does not have to be ALL GRIEF! It can coexist with MUCH JOY!

Page 194

"when the laundry is done for the dozen arms of children or the dozen legs, it's true, I think I'm due some appreciation, so comes a storm of trouble and lightening strikes joy. But when Christ is at the center, when dishes, laundry, work is my song of thanks to him, joy rains. Passionately serving Christ alone makes us the loving servant to all."

A needed reminder to me - especially since I've become a wife and mother. My acts of service are first to the Lord. "And whatsoever ye do , do it heartily , as to the Lord, and not unto men;" Colossians 3:23 I've always thoughts of this verse in terms of employment or service to others, but as I so often do, I neglect to really bring it to my center and refer to it in my role as mom and wife.

Often I find myself selfishly wallowing in thoughts that I deserve some recognition for this or that or appreciation for my lack of sleep, sore muscles, suppers cooked, laundry folded, some help from Andrew in regards to these things as well. But that is where the "storm of trouble" happens. I find myself often rebuked by the Spirit in this regard. I need to write this verse down and post it where I will read it everyday.

If you find yourself interested in reading this book - I would be negligent if I didn't acknowledge she quotes a few theologically questionable people. Some contemplative spirituality ideas are also there, but her words and theology seem to be pretty solid. That said I am soaking up the encouragement and adoring the poetry of her prose.

I think I'll leave it there for now, thanks for reading if you made it this far ;)

Never Quite Sure

2011-03-08T20:46:00.002-06:00

Winter Chirpee around four months

There are so many times when I question what I am doing as a mother and tonight finds me in the same position. Chirpee is laying on the couch as I write and it is well past his bedtime. He says he feels sick to his tummy and he has been tossing and turning in bed for an hour and forty-five minutes...I have finally given up and brought him into the living room so I can get some writing done. Then I think "what will tomorrow bring? Will we have to do this now every night he isn't feeling well or perhaps he'll start requesting bed be on the couch every night?" I wrestled with these questions the past 45 minutes as I lay in his bed with him, my neck and shoulders hurting, cold, needing to pee and my legs going numb (from his poor old mattress and my poor old body). I couldn't take lying next to him, stroking his arms anymore and when I begged off and out of bed he became very tearful and complaining of his "owies" again.

There are so many times as a parent when there doesn't seem to be a right or wrong answer. This has been one of the most perplexing aspects of parenting for myself. I tend to second guess, triple and quadruple most every move I make as a mom.

The plans for my evening are squashed by his needs and as I lay frustrated and sorry for myself, I try to remember that Chirpee at age 3 is a brief blink in time. Chirpee at age 3 will be gone in a breath and I'll exhale and he'll be standing before me a man. Not needing me to help him sleep, not wanting me in his bed, not wishing for my "soft tickles" anymore.

And I'll find my voice catch and my interior crack when I remember his tender hand closing into mine as he buried his face in my hair.

If we have to break some bad sleeping habits along the way - then we will and the memory of them may disappear in time or be of such little consequence in hindsight. Today seems to have such trouble at times, such inconvenience, and a variety of frustrations or trials. But with each day, I'm losing who my children are in this moment and I know one day I'll wish I held on tighter and drank MUCH deeper. So tonight, even though there is still a part of me wallowing in selfishness, I will try to keep each blessing that Chirpee brings at two hours past bedtime with no slumber.

He didn't! He DID!

2011-03-04T14:27:00.001-06:00

This morning as I snuck into the dark kitchen, making sure to stand in the right places in the hallway for minimal floor creaking, I made out a strange shadow on my kitchen counter. "What is that? I don't remember leaving anything there before I went to bed." I giddily realized my Deereandy had bought me some flowers and a card was leaning against the pot. I love getting flowers and these were my favorites - tulips! Yippee! It was with much tenderness that I realized Deereandy had been thoughtful enough to remember my favorite, but also that these were the same color as our wedding tulips.

I opened the garmantuous card and saw he enclosed a poem he'd written. Wandering into the living room and lowering into the recliner, I finished reading the card and opened up his poem to me. Both of us used to write poetry, but something happened when we got married and we just never find the time for it! So it also was a special treat in and of itself.

The last lines of the poem struck me:

Oh my! Does that mean he bought me a ring?! Now I started feeling a little guilty for joking about anniversary bands. I wasn't serious, no really...I wasn't. But the words were there and my wedding ring has more diamonds and no safires, so........

I went on a little hunt. The ring is shown above in the picture, but this is really where it was:

He's such a sweet pea! I am daily amazed at his love and his thoughtful care for our family. The Lord has truly blessed me with a man who loves beyond measure!

A Million Times A Day

2011-03-02T22:08:00.001-06:00

I get inspired to blog about something. It just seems that so much happens in between the thought and getting time to write that it is always so late and I don't get much sleep as it is. My goodness, it takes me an hour to finish loading the dishwasher these days; I guess I shouldn't expect to keep up with blogging or my group e-mailings. I have pictures of diapers, water kefir, kids, stories upon stories of play dough and bread making with a three year old, sloppy wet kisses with a 14 month old, teething, diaper rash, asthma frustrations....they'll probably just sit and remain unadvertised or cataloged like most lives prior to electronic communicating abilities.

Dimple's asthma is a thorn in my side. How does one get a 14 month old to use a spacer/inhaler? Any suggestions will be considered - we are currently just torturing him and I'm not sure that it is even benefiting him in any way. He's been medicated with antihistamines almost every night since early December. It seems to be the only source of some relief for him (since it is the only thing he happily takes for treatment).

On the bright side he is so fun to watch. He has so much to say (the only words I can catch are "trak-or", "bak-oe", "dada" and a couple random "mamamamamama"'s). He is so animated in his conversation with books, gesturing and pointing and looking expectantly at you. Finding his own stride has been the goal of the past couple months. Dimple started walking at 12 months and I always enjoy watching his big belly guiding him forward, chub legs jerkily trying to keep up and arms up and out to the side (I suppose for navigation?).

Tonight, as Chirpee was playing with a new batch of play dough that we concocted, he says, "you're special, mommy". That is the second time in a week he has done that and never has he made me so mushy and puddlish. He has also been full of spontaneous hugs and kisses which has also aided in melting me into my shoes! I just love that boy's love!

He is fast learning his numbers, Bible verses, his imagination is expanding, always looking to see how things work together and colors are pretty solid. We are working on fuschia ;) His current favorite is puce; it provides many minutes of great laughter for him. I still am not sure exactly what puce looks like, but I'm trying to google it now. They say it is a red or purplish brown color. And all this time I thought it closer to green brown! I've lived a lie apparently.

Bed is calling. I'll try to "pen" my thoughts another time.

His cow gate, quad and cooking after shopping. Full day and it is not even 9am, yet!

Snapshots

2011-02-08T21:48:00.000-06:00

Well, Dimple finally did succumb to the flu bug, but he did the best of all of us are far as tolerating it. So there is the blessing. The boys are here in the kitchen making many culinary delights! Apparently, Dimple is a naked cooker...thankfully he keeps those pants on. I'm not sure how well that would go over in adult years. It wouldn't go at all in mom's kitchen!

Already Been Sick and Tired

2011-02-04T15:22:00.000-06:00

Of being sick and tired. I can't think (and I know there hasn't been) of a time in my life that I have experienced so many colds (now the flu) as the past 365 days. I'm at my wits end with family boogers. If it didn't cause Dimple so many problems and if I didn't have to lose sleep over it...well then maybe I would spare those who read this blog a complaint. Grrrrrrr. Currently three of us have had flu and cold together. Dimple has a cold which is causing his asthma/smokers cough to flare up, but is our remaining hold out. I pray every day that he won't get the flu. Hopefully I won't have to update this blog post.

I think maybe we should go back to eating lots of sugar and baked goods...I think we fought things a lot better before healthy fats, cutting gluten and increasing the fibre in our diets. I am dreaming of a cinnamon roll slathered in genuine butter and a lovely glaze. No crusty edges. Yummm. Oh ya, and a mint chocolate mocha with a heavy load of whipped cream on top!

Saying Goodbye

2011-01-24T21:04:00.001-06:00

Dimple, today I got to spend the afternoon with you. Chirpee was having a visit with Lolo, the Spoiler and Storyteller (previously referred to as Northdweller).

I had a really wonderful time listening to your babbling stories. I was once again reminded and amazed at how much you open up when your big brother isn't around; so much to say and with so much animation! It was a real delight and treat to talk with you.

Upon finishing your dinner I helped you with your cup of water (which you still drink rather sloppily from) and realized that you are no longer my baby baby. You are growing up faster than I thought possible. Since you've been born, it has seemed like such a long year. Yet, I think in many ways the year just passed me by. All of a sudden I am left staring into the blue eyes of my now toddling boy with water all over his shirt, an empty feeling, a touch of sadness and tears in my eyes remembering our last nursing session yesterday morning. At the time I didn't plan on it being the last, but that is just as well...I would have cried like a baby the whole time!

And now I'm teary again...as I spotted a picture on the wall of you and your brother. How could a mama get so blessed? Two such different and enormously enjoyable sons!

Dimple's Dilemma

2011-01-14T21:02:00.001-06:00

Our most recent newsy news centers around little Dimple. He has had a few colds since early November and something hasn't been quite right with him. I'm not sure whether it is just mother instinct, or could be perceived by others, but his cold symptoms have seemed more than just that to me.

After dragging my feet thinking I'm imagining things, horribly sleepless nights, talking to my sister about him over the phone, weeks of medicating him with antihistamines, then going on our December trip, I finally took him in to see our primary care doctor. She confirmed what my sister and myself had already thought he could be experiencing and gave me a couple asthma medications for him to try.

So my little dry hacker who likes to keep me up so much at nights is recovering nicely from this last cold. I started him on Singulair a couple nights ago and tried his inhaler a couple times (failed attempts) when his coughing woke him up. Last night he slept. Oh my! He slept for over 11 hours straight without interruption!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it! I can only hope the miracle continues and it wasn't just a fluke.

It is entirely possible the boy doesn't actually have asthma, but simply immature airways that will fit him better as time goes on so he can manage mucus production more effectively. I can only hope this is the case, but either way...I am glad he is breathing easier these days, not hacking all night and wheezing in the early mornings. His days have seen him more rested as well and we are starting to remember what a happy little boy he can be!

The Progression

2011-01-02T18:56:00.001-06:00

Home Again, Home Again, Riggety Jig!

2011-01-02T17:57:00.001-06:00

We just returned home from a long and wonderful trip to the west coast to visit my family. Deereandy was starting to feel a little stir crazy after nearly three weeks, but I couldn't help but feel the distance between my family and myself acutely this time out. It had been a year and a half since I'd seen most of the faces we visited with and I wasn't quite ready to come home, yet.

So to cheer myself, I am making a list of reasons I am glad we are home in Manitoba again:

1. Our amazing mattress...REALLY amazing
2. Baby changing table - back saving and knee salvaging and baby containing
3. The Boppy nursing pillow - another back, neck and shoulder saver
4. Liam's bed - he sleeps better there than on the floor
5. Elijah's crib - simply because it signifies we may yet get better sleep than vacation sleep
6. My kitchen tools
7. Wood stove heating - toasty warm
8. Diaper sprayer attachment on toilet

I will surely think of other things as the days go on, but these were my initial delights. It is hard knowing my family misses out on my children and I am missing out on their lives as well.

Christmas New Year Letter

2011-01-02T15:38:00.000-06:00

If you haven't already been informed. I will post this because I didn't get this letter out to everyone I know and care about.

Twenty-ten was ushered in December 23, 2009 in our house. This date really marked the beginning of our new year even if the calendar refutes that. It brought much needed closure to pregnancy and a little man who constantly finds new ways to delight his family. Elijah Gideon is as different in personality from his elder brother as his blue eyes and blond hair are.

He is cheerful and quick to flash you his wide, dimpled smile. As a “wee bairn” he’d lay on his back fascinated by the moving branches of the trees through the window. When music is played he lights up with much talking and dancing. He has a hunger for movement that saw him reach those baby “milestones” a lot sooner than baby Liam did. Today, he is standing without holding onto things, will walk along furniture, push things in front him to walk places (be it loader, bike or stool) and takes the occasional step which quickly results in a descent to the floor. Maybe by the time this gets into your hands, he’ll be toddling. One of ‘Lijah’s favorite things is to thumb through books. Many minutes a day are dedicated to the (mostly) careful handling of books and gazing at each detail of the page followed with some animated babbling. The best times of his day, though, center on Liam.

Liam, the (mostly) nurturing, sensitive elder brother loves to make Elijah laugh. Whether that means making silly faces at dinner time, reading books to him, giving Elijah toys to play with while I change his diaper, or (what mostly works) tackling him and playing “chase” down the hallway. He also enjoys lying on his tummy while Liam drags him by his pant cuffs across the floor.

Liam turned three the end of August and we had a fun “red” party. I was hoping that since he turned that blessed number he would magically start going potty. It took a few weeks, but he did get around to showing me his magic; and he hasn’t gone back to diapers since.

Part of the desperate potty training bargainings included the offer of enrolling in the local nursery school. He started Monday mornings a few weeks ago. Unlike his parents, he seems to be a social butterfly and thrives on the interaction. They have some great toys including a sand and water table, nice smelling play dough, crafts, songs and outside time. What more could one ask for?

Liam’s recent imaginings revolve around trucks, backhoes, cell phone calls and Jesus. He asked Andrew one night if mommy would sleep with him and Andrew said he’d have to sleep with Jesus. Ever since then, the poor guy has been looking for him and asking all sorts of questions about Jesus: “he like sasa (salsa)?, Jesus eat chips?, where his truck?, Jesus in mommy’s room?, he all around us, Jesus like that song!” Liam is showing us more of his personality with each day. He likes to make people laugh, enjoys making up songs while he plays, he is a quick study at new things and has a very tender heart.

My ever constant helper, friend and love of my everyday, Andrew, has been up to his usual busy service calls, yard work, home improvement projects and keeping me from checking into our local mental institution. I say that with a laugh, but it is all too close to true the past couple years. He is still the biggest blessing in my life and I am happy for the miracle he is to me.

I am still adjusting to being a mom. I think it is a blessed gift, but the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. Maybe in 50 years I feel like I’m settled into the role; I’m hoping to be raptured before then, but in case I’m still here – that’s my goal. I am often asked if I miss being a nurse - I do. But I wouldn’t miss these days as challenging as they can be. I am content knowing I am right where the Lord has for me to be for this day.

Our prayer is that your Christmas is one that brings thoughts of the Saviour and His loving offer of new life to each and every one of us.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” Jn 3:16,17

Finding Common Ground

2010-11-30T11:38:00.000-06:00

Checking In

2010-11-27T14:55:00.002-06:00

I thought I'd better check in with my blog. I wrote my Christmas letter, but haven't mailed it so I feel like everyone is already abreast of anything new around here. You'll get updated sometime prior to the New Year assuming I ever get them mailed ;) I'm just waiting for a few more copies of family pictures. For now, I'll just post this cute picture of my boys hangin' together.

Here is little, chubby Dimple flashing his sweet smile in his super cute and soft cloth bum just for ya'll. Oh my! Look at those rolls! PS - He just reunited with the real bathtub and is having a blast. Thank the Lord for babies' short memories! He was making a watery mess of my bathroom counter bathing him there...

The Four Of Us

2010-11-01T20:10:00.001-05:00

Yum

2010-10-28T09:28:00.003-05:00

I just realized I got play dough in the keyboard of my computer...anyway. Another day of busy-ness and not a lot to show for it. I think that is a motherhood thing - at least I'm hoping there is an end to it at some point. We are at the table, listening to Christmas music and playing with play dough...Chirpee is anyway. Dimple is crawling on the floor and I'm hoping he isn't eating what Chirpee is dropping.

Ten minutes pass.

Okay, I've cleaned up Dimple's puke now. Ya, as I typed the above sentence I had the foresight enough to look under the table in time to see him screwing up his face in displeasure at the puke and taste of play dough. So a little sponge bath, change of clothing and spot cleaning has passed.

Now I don't even remember what I sat down to blog. Here's a cute picture of my boys taken a couple weeks ago on our only family bike ride of the year. I must attend to the child screaming at my feet now, excuse me.

2010-10-26T14:35:00.001-05:00

daily deals....check it out mamas!

Whoops!

2010-10-15T21:48:00.003-05:00

So today while giving Dimple his bath in the special sink...I didn't have the wash cloth under his bum very well and he slipped and bashed his head on the edge of the porcelain. I hope this hasn't ruined his reception to the only place left in the house. Then we'll just be sponge bathing and that just won't do with a boy in cloth diapers.

We're Falling

2010-10-09T15:27:00.003-05:00

Things have been quite busy around here the past couple of weeks (or has it only been one?). Between Cowboy's stint in the hospital and Cowgirl's pregnancy not going as planned we've picked up an extra child now and then (which we are happy to do). They have had quite a trying month and we're not sure how long to anticipate this one. A day at a time is all the Lord gives us, though, right?

I took Dimple and Chirpee to over to the Whisperer's house to pick out a pumpkin to carve. He was far more interested in her boys' numerous trucks and toys than going to the pumpkin patch (even though he has been talking about this for a long time).
This is the best of the numerous awkward pictures that Whisperer took. Chirpee wasn't interested in posing so I was posing with Dimple near him so he'd turn and look at the camera. Oh well! We had a good time. Whisperer showed us her horses and Chirpee got to pet them. Dimple wasn't so sure about those big heads up close and personal, for that fact, I'm not really either. I've always been a bit timid around horses.

In other news...Dimple has developed a fear of bathtubs. He fell a couple times in the big tub and I made his water too hot another time...since then...no go. I tried putting his little infant tub in the larger one and he wasn't having that either. I've tried with Chirpee in the tub and that isn't working either. So after a week of sponge baths I had a revelation to try the bathroom sink. He did pretty good and he's had a couple there so far. Hopefully this will get him by until his phobia resolves. It makes me thankful Deereandy installed that silly rotating tap a few months ago!

My slow to eat nine month old has eaten two meals a day for the past four days!! I'm really excited because he has also given me two nights of virtual rest. Typically I'm up twice with him, but those two nights...only once...and it wasn't until almost 5am! Wow...I'm hoping it is related to eating and not just a fluke.

Today his first tooth poked through as well. He is moving with the big boys these days. He is able to push a chair in front of him and walk behind it, crawl, pull himself up on all sorts of things. He is getting into lots! I'm happy for him and sad for myself.

Deereandy and I have been experimenting with our diet the past few months as well. I've blogged about my changes a little, but Deereandy has also jumped on the life change train as well. Or maybe he got thrown on since I'm the cook (no really, he's on board by will)! So the results are in and it appears that I have trouble with eggs, dairy, gluten, kidney beans and almonds. Deereandy has trouble with egg whites and dairy. He also has a little problem with gluten and we already know he can't do tomatoes or refined sugars.

This certainly throws a wrench in things (I was hoping our blood tests would come back with one reaction for each of us). That said, with diet changes we've felt so much better as far as our bad joints, sleeping and energy levels. We have both lost a bit of weight since the summer. So much so that we bought new wardrobes a couple weeks ago. I now feel about 50 years old instead of 80... we'll work on feeling my age some other time. Of course we got final results last week so hopefully we'll feel even better as these weeks progress and our systems are free from trigger foods for awhile. An IgG and IgE reaction can linger in the body for up to 21 days apparently.

If only I could overcome this sugar addiction I have. I've gone from baked goods to candy...bad. I still do less sugar than I did a few months ago, but I'm not sure the trade off has been good. It has only seen the addition of high fructose corn syrup to my diet. I'd be better off with white sugar.

On this note, I've discovered the gluten-intolerant's best friend...Pamela's Products. Deereandy and I talk about Pamela as if she is a family member; we adore her. There are a lot of bad tasting gluten-free products out there and she is like a breath of fresh air...or wheat.

Yummm. Tasty brownies.

A Banner Day

2010-10-05T14:51:00.003-05:00

All banner days must begin somewhere. Mine started off at 4:50 am. Now, some might think that is too early a beginning to constitute any type of banner day. But these things are all about perspective. I am coming from the perspective of an exhausted mother who never gets to sleep that long before the first wake up call of Dimple. I actually went to bed before midnight last night so I actually accumulated around five and a half hours of continuous sleep. Nearly unheard of! My first thought upon realizing this was "Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, praise the Lord!" And it was said very sincerely. What an unexpected surprise.

It took me a good 20 minutes to fall back to sleep after I finished with Dimple purely from elation. Neither of my children woke again until 7:50 am which is also unheard of...another "Praise the Lord!" from deep within.

I had crazy and pleasant dreams which always get me off on the right foot as well.

We got breakfast together, Deereandy's lunch, showered, phoned around and left the house at 10:00 am for a little excursion to Winkler. I heard awhile ago that there was a real, live espresso joint added to the mall and had yet to get my americano there. So we put the stroller in the van and the boys and I wandered the short hallways of the mall with coffee in hand. I have to say (as a former barista) that they did a perfect job with my americano. The americano is the true test of good espresso skill as there is no wiggle room for mistakes.

So Chirpee got to pretend ride on the mall toys, Dimple enjoyed just strolling and looking around and I was fawning over my coffee. We also visited The Health Habit for a few grocery items while we were there. I get there maybe once a year so that seemed like another treat.

On the way home I stopped at Wal-Mart (Wally World) for a couple things. Dimple and Chirpee were charming the whole time.

After getting Chirpee off to a late nap, I thought we'd try feeding my exclusively breast fed nine month old. He has been so finicky over eating and giving me all signals that he just hates it. Occasionally he will eat a nibble here and there, but as to really eating...

The boy ate about 1/3 cup of potato bacon and zucchini soup. Another moment of elation for myself! He also fed himself a few white beans and even chewed and swallowed them. He now has been playing happily while I type this post...amazing.

The only flub of the day was a massive poo explosion while Wally shopping. I was trying to change him in the back of the van (chose not to take dipe bag in store) and he was fighting me the whole time trying to roll onto his tummy. Poo smears on my shopping bags, all over his pants, shirt, on me...Oh well, I am not letting that get me down today! I should have left him in cloth diapers when we went out this morning. That was my original intention, but somehow I changed my mind at the last minute. My guy can really blow out of disposables. And he did.

Now to see what the evening holds! Hopefully a night of real sleep...I know, that's asking way too much!

Once Again

2010-09-20T21:09:00.003-05:00

We are all sick here...or have recently been. I am a grump and severely lacking sleep. It is past 9 pm now and I was hoping to get to sleep as soon as the kiddos tonight...off I go!

Have I mentioned that we have had at least as many sick days as well days this year? At least for the little ones and myself that is.

Red Letter Days

2010-09-07T21:13:00.004-05:00

Later that same evening...the cake was finished looking a little more magenta than red. Did I need more food colouring perhaps? Maybe the four mils I skipped were really important afterall. Anyway, it was unique and smelled like cake, I was happy.

We invited some red guests.

I forgot to put Dimple's pants on, please excuse his indecency it was my fault.

The morning held some red oatmeal for my Chirpee. It really wasn't too special as we have it every morning...yes, with berries, too.

After Chirpee's nap, he came upstairs to forty red balloons. He also put on his birthday shirt...we just happen to have a red #3 shirt.

The pretty red stash.

The finished product.

Chirpee getting ready to take the candles and train off the cake.

Out of order, but his red birthday meal at the finish. I didn't bother trying to make red food the cake itself was more food colouring than anyone should have in a lifetime.

A Call To Anguish by David Wilkerson

2010-09-03T23:17:00.002-05:00

Just Funny, Couldn't Help Myself!

2010-09-03T22:20:00.001-05:00

Getting Red-ee

2010-08-27T23:15:00.002-05:00

The preparations for tomorrow. My first attempt at an entirely unhealthy cake that uses 60 milliliters of red food colouring. That is right - 2 whole ounces. I hate to think of what this will do inside of my little guy's body, but it isn't a daily treat, right?

Note the beautiful combo of food colouring and cocoa in the little Pyrex dish.

I'm used to baking and tasting the goods, but this gluten-free thing is killing me times like this. So mommy had to "resign" herself to dark chocolate and almonds...gluten-free and very minimal dairy. Dimple seems to do okay with scant amounts of it in my milk.

The beautiful swirl!

My magenta creation. I'll post the final results when I get some pictures of the finished product. Now I'm off to toothpick test doneness!

Mr. Silly Red Boots

2010-08-25T20:27:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday to you, little guy. How I love and love and love you. Sometimes (okay, a lot), mommy gets all wrapped up in herself and how her day is going (or not going) and you are there to witness it.

So I ask for your forgiveness for being short tempered with you or impatient as you bend to pick up handfuls of gravel while we are walking home from the grocery store. One of my delights is the way you stop to smell every flower we pass on our walks with little Dimple. You take time to smell every flower until mommy reminds you we need to move on.

And of course there are the many trucks that pass by on main street which you have to stop for and watch until they disappear out of sight or park along the curb. Today, you were taken by a "beeper" (old Dodge Ram) that had orange flames with black paint. You saw them pass by us about three times and I laughed as I thought they might think it strange that the boy and mommy with the stroller had to stop and watch them ever so carefully. When they finally stopped at the grocery store I explained to them how wonderful their truck was (especially since they had a puppy inside). The woman said, "oh! a future mechanic!" and the man let the puppy out of the truck just so you could pet him. Coming from our family, there is great possibility that you will be a mechanic. I know that at the least, you'll be a great "fix it" man like your daddy no matter where your occupation lies.

You have such a loving heart, always looking out for Dimple and making him feel included in our day. If he gets upset you are ready there with a "blankie", kiss and hug. You bring him toys when he can't get them for himself and you love to sing to him and make him laugh. I love the way you play hide and seek with him and the way you patiently let him pull your hair because he loves it so much.

We will (finally) have your birthday party this weekend. It will be a "red" party per your special request. I'm a little flustered that you just requested a brown cake with a trailer and bales today since I've already got the makings for your James Red Velvet Cake...oh well, I will try to make it so special you'll be happy with it. We did bales and a trailer last year, munchkin. The last few days you've been singing "happy birfday for you!" every time something pleased you. It is as if your birthday has been going on for awhile now. You had an extra special day on the weekend as you spent some time with Jujubes at the Splash Park then had a three hour, working combine ride with daddy late that evening. You got to have a "picnik" supper in the cab and read your books. I don't know when I've seen you happier...you had to act real cool about it when you got home, though. "Ya, rode a combine," you lazed as you leaned against the wall; your nose scrunching up.

You are such a special boy and my biggest prayer for you is that you will come to walk closely with the Lord Jesus. That is truly all your daddy and I desire for you life. I hope that we can be a small, dim picture of His enormous love to you. Happy Birthday, Bugs.

The Things He Does

2010-08-13T22:32:00.003-05:00

Chirpee hasn't had "the black one" around for a couple days. This means that instead of playing in daddy's black truck when he goes outside, he has to find something else to do. So far, he's spent most of his outside time pushing the stroller around pretending he has a baby in it. I took this from our living room window this afternoon. He was gazing out at the street, talking to himself (or his baby).

Tools and Tots

2010-07-19T22:43:00.004-05:00

I married the tool man himself, so when I ask for a nice tool, he delivers!

Me little box of extra attachments (it even has a bread hook?!).

Lookin' like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle to me, but I'm not sure why.

LoLo came to visit for a couple days and such a busy time we had! It may be a little difficult to see, but love their "highly coordinated" outfits ala Monkey and Chirpee's artistic eye. He has blue plaid short with a brown shirt and black trim; very nice. You can see LoLo just fine, I put some of Chirpee's old clothes on with her extra shorts and shoes.
Well, at least Dimple is better coordinated, he seems to be analyzing what LoLo and Chirpee are up to.

Chirpee had his first night in his downstairs bedroom; we had a party complete with dinner in his new room and balloons (his most exciting prize!).

I planned on sitting on the floor, but just couldn't bring my tired bones to do it. Shown is Plan B.

Grandma Showgirl's favorite team...win or lose. I believe the day he wore this...they actually won! Go Mariners!
Rear view.

Note his ever so clean mouth. He was trying to fool mom that he was actually going to start eating solids, but mom knows better! Fun to play with egg yolk, though.

Love Happens

2010-07-14T17:52:00.003-05:00

I made my "famous" pancakes yesterday morning and I scooped the batter onto my skillet in this beautiful formation...all quite unintentional. But that is how love is sometimes...it just happens, unplanned, surprising and delightful!

Culinary Arts

2010-07-12T21:12:00.004-05:00

Chirpee: Oh! We can't eat this Dimple...MSG.

Dimple: Mom, are you sure? Maybe just this time.

Chirpee: Drop it Dimps, it's no use bargaining with her...I'll just set the timer and we'll call it good.

The Meat Market

2010-07-12T20:58:00.004-05:00

A lazy Sunday afternoon. Northdweller (I'll have to get a new name for him now that he's home) took the kids for a ride in the valley to see the lovely pasture and cows.

A little awkward picture of everyone, but Cowgirl.

Just arrived into the fresh pasture. Tall and luscious herbal variety for those beefy cows.

Some of the excited animals. They were hoping Northdweller would lead them to the above shown "greener" pasture.

His beloved steer. No, really. Quite beloved. The family calls him T-bone, but Northdweller doesn't like that name. Here he is giving his huge and favourite steer a back scratch with a stick. This little (big) one will die a death of old age. None of the other bovines will; "to market to market!".

Time Out

2010-06-30T11:07:00.004-05:00

I sent Chirpee for a time-out this morning, forgot to set the timer, went to feed Dimple and put him down for a nap. I was feeling pretty guilty about leaving him in his room for that long, but suspected he had fallen asleep as he wasn't throwing a fit that he was still in his room after ten minutes. He had nicely wrapped his bath towel around his head which I removed along with his blanket, I brushed his hair, talked to him, stroked his arm then figured I should just let him sleep...

Now I sit here, listening to Beethoven amidst the calm...awaiting what the rest of this day will bring now that I let him nap really early! Oh well, for now I'm just concentrating on Fur Elise.

Dairy Depression

2010-06-28T20:56:00.002-05:00

Well...I think I have to cut my dairy out, too. Dimple seems to be having a bit of trouble with it (I think). No, I'm not taking him to the doctor, I'm just going to experiment by cutting dairy out and see if he improves (lots of congestion, mucus spit up and green, mucus stool TMI!). I keep threatening to bring the bread back into my diet b/c I don't really know how one can live without wheat and dairy. I mean, REALLY! If gluten didn't make me feel as bad as it does it would have been back...weeks ago.

So I cheated and had a little cream in my coffee this morning and remarked over a dinner of ground beef on a plain baked potato with a side of lettuce and peaches (boring, except for peaches), "I'd better lose a good twenty pounds by the end of the year if I have to keep this up - there should be some benefit!" I am now hungry again since I can't eat my cheese or yog to fill me up.

Well, I am taking it one hour at a time and when I choose to look into the future I start chewing on my nails with fervor!

This just gives me more sympathy for my sister who can't do wheat or dairy. At least I'll get to wean Dimple at some point and enjoy dairy again. I also don't get migraines from caffeine like her either - really I've got it good!

Food Changes Update

2010-06-24T08:05:00.004-05:00

Well it has been two weeks. I have cut my sugar intake by about 75%, cut out wheat gluten and our family has gone through four dozen eggs in that time. I've also added lots of butter and olive oil to my cooking and have increased my personal protein intake by (guessing) 80%. That also means my animal fat intake has increased respectively.

I don't really care to go over my list of personal symptoms that I've had for going on 20 years, but I will tell you that my energy level has increased about 50% in the past couple weeks (even with nighttime feedings for Dimple), my chronic back and joint pain has improved by 60% and my sleep comes easy and full these days (the opportunity that I get). Truly, I am amazed at what my body has been missing. How different would these past years have been had I done this long ago? I don't know, but they are what they are. As an added benefit I've lost 5lbs without trying and doing everything "they" tell you not to: eat lots of butter, eggs and protein, eat when I'm hungry.

Am I worried about the long term effects? The more I've read about human metabolism and digestion...NO. I think any potential for cardiovascular disease and diabetes will come straight from my already screwy genetics or eating everything wrong for over twenty years. I've lived a long time on blood sugar spikes.

I eat like a horse (no really, I do...breastfeeding), I'm not hungry and I feel so much better and different.

My struggles: I love sugar and bread. Yes, I've craved them (a ton); some days are better than others. I am very disappointed that when I've "cheated" and had something with gluten I feel weak, tired, short-fused and nauseous. I was only going to try this out for a couple days which has turned into two weeks and I know needs to continue on the rest of my life if I am ever to feel better. Right now, all I can do is one day at a time, though. I'm not going to mourn the loss of a bad friend today.

Instead Of Helping Myself Out

2010-06-22T21:39:00.003-05:00

I thought I'd procrastinate (I've been very good at this today) and write about how I have a dirty house, no energy and wonder if there has been a mom of young kids that has lived successfully and prosperously during this phase of life. I'm sure there must be, it just seems that all the great advice comes from the moms who have made the same mistakes I seem to and they look back with some great insights.

There is a balance that I am so in need of and unable to attain (it seems that way). I need to spend more time in God's Word, prayer, I need to be kinder to Chirpee, more flexible, less perfectionism, I'd love a swept floor and dream of it being mopped at least every three months instead of yearly.

I remember my mom saying that I will have such a clean floor once that little Chirpee started moving around. She thought I'd be so concerned about those germs, I guess. The fact is: my floors have never been grosser. I've never felt so unkempt, disorganized and unproductive.

In early motherhood anyway (tell me this will change!), most of us are on an upward learning curve and I personally feel that I'm not "expert" or "well practiced" at anything. My house is always on the verge of a chaotic meltdown (physically, but many moments it seems that mentally, too). This is a very frustrating time of life for myself...

That being said, I just about crumble to the floor in a puddle of mushy emotion when I do my last checks on my babes at night - their sweet little breathing, passed out positions and just a little moment without noise surrounding them. It leads me to rewinding the day in my mind and thinking, "I wish I'd paid more attention when Chirpee was showing me _______" or "I should have spent more time tickling Dimple and showing him new things outside, etc.", "I wish I wasn't so harsh with Chirpee when ______".

I know motherhood can be full of regrets, but I hope that I can avoid getting bogged down in them and remember that the Lord is merciful. He is full of grace and is loving caring for my boys with perfection. Their mother isn't perfect, but their Creator is Light, He is Love, He is intimately concerned with their souls and he is able to provide for our family.

Me and Them

2010-06-12T21:43:00.002-05:00

Last week I asked Andrew to take a picture of us (I don't have any). I guess I'm the picture taker in the family, hence my absence from our photo albums.

This morning we had a cute moment that didn't quite turn out in pictures, but Chirpee wanted to hold Dimple after he had finished eating and this is what it turned out to be. A lot of coos and happy babbles from Dimple to Chirps. We stayed this way a good five minutes until Chirpee was coaxed off my lap so I could make some breakfast for everyone.

One Blessed Night

2010-06-12T20:51:00.005-05:00

It was only one night, but it has been so long since I've had six hours continuous, uninterrupted sleep. It makes me wish I'd gone to bed earlier because Dimple slept 11.5 hours last night! There aren't enough exclamation marks to put after that so I'll just leave it at one. I don't expect to get it tonight, but would be oh so thrilled if he started a new phase of life. It has been well over two months since he's slept more than five hours straight. I'll be on my knees tonight, "please, Lord, please".

Musing On Mastication

2010-06-11T06:05:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I'm not really thinking about "chewing" per se, but eating. Chewing is an essential part of that, but I was looking for a title with some alliteration incorporated. Diet and nutrition sound so boring.

Some may know that I've spent a lot of time looking into nutrition the past couple years. Unfortunately (fortunately), I got pregnant last year and spent a good part of it avoiding food completely then ravenously making up for lost time the remaining months. Since I was so fatigued and had some chronic pain issues, I was unable to stand up and cook in the kitchen for any length of time. The end result was resignation to a lot of processed foods (the ones I had been pulling out of our diets prior).

Since I am able to cook again these days, I have resumed my voyage into the world of nutrition. I am going to try to move our family into a higher protein, fat diet and take a big plunge in our carbohydrate world.

I'm mourning already. I love carbs. They are the only foods I really like (other than butter). Meat is repulsive to me on many levels...but it must be done. I am really excited to see how Andrew and I might feel after the transition (and hoping for weight loss rather than gain).

Some might think we are crazy, but I'll add some links here so you can look for yourself at a just a couple of the websites I've got my information from.

My plan of action is to menu plan a few weeks out, buy some food for it, do gluten-free for ... a time (haven't decided if I'll do the 60 days) and see how it goes. I'll probably do some online ordering for it so I'm thinking the beginning of July is a good time to take the plunge.

I might keep you posted!

Liam Entertaining 'Lijah

2010-06-05T16:01:00.000-05:00

Two Brothers

2010-06-03T22:24:00.002-05:00

Once again, I'm annoyed with the layout, but I'm too impatient to reload pictures.
Above is Chirpee at approximately the same age as Dimple in the below photo. They just seem to have the same look in their eyes (to my eyes) so I've posted them.

Grandma E. in Regina meeting Dimple for the first time this past April.

Grandma E. meeting Chirpee for the first time in February 2008. He is six months here and Dimple was four months in the above.

A Moment

2010-06-03T17:55:00.004-05:00

It may not be standard on this blog, but since I've left Facebook I have to put my opinions somewhere - right??? Okay, so maybe I could just keep things to myself.

But I'm not going to. I wonder if anyone has noticed the change in international talk towards the nation of Israel in the past few years. I noticed it changing during the W. Bush administration and continues with snowball pace these days. The Arab refugees residing in Israel (most commonly known as "Palestinians") happen to governed by a group of well-recognized terrorists (Hamas) and the rest of the world sits by condemning the Israeli government for every move they make in hopes of protecting themselves from a group that wants them wiped from the face of the earth.

"Well, isn't that a bit harsh? An exaggeration, perhaps?", one may ask. Not really. If you spend any time reading, or better yet, just get online and watch some videos and remarks from Islamic groups (including the reigning officials of Iran, Saudi Arabia and Syria) and there is no doubt it is in their outspoken agendas to annihilate Israel and every Jew contained therein.

That being said, am I for the people of Gaza and The West Bank suffering under an Israeli blockade? Absolutely not. I am sympathetic to human suffering, but really...what government in the world would act any differently than Israel? Is it not extreme hypocrisy on the part of the rest of us to condemn them for defending themselves against suicide bombers and a collective that doesn't even recognize them as a nation? Ever tried to have a conversation with someone who doesn't recognize your existence? Well, Israel has, a lot. They've been a part of peace talks and made many concessions to make peace with others that don't believe they have a right to exist.

I'm going to step down, now. I could go on for a long time on this one, but I doubt too many people who read this are very interested.

As a parting comment, Israel wouldn't have a right to exist as a nation or people if it hadn't been for Jehovah, the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob choosing out a peculiar people of His own. He blessed them and promises blessing to those who bless Israel and cursing to those who curse Israel. They are the apple of His eye. Saying this, I'm not making a stand on how the government leaders of Israel handle political matters, they have sinned just like the rest of the world (particularly in making land concessions and not putting faith in the One who promised it). The Lord is above and over all the blunders we make as people and as nations - it is what helps me sleep at night. Trust in Him, not in the governments of the world. What an encouragement to know that the Great Shepherd of Israel is returning and will make all things right! "Behold I make all things new."

Sunshine

2010-05-26T12:53:00.004-05:00

I finally got to take advantage of the sun today. I had plenty of messes in the house to keep me occupied, but Chirpee's childlike insistence is what pulled me outdoors today. He enjoyed riding our neighbor's snowmobile for quite awhile.

It is also my first "sunning" of my diapers. I have been wanting to do this for sooooo long. Chirpee's diapers are rather stained and since we've been having some odor issues, I figure a good dose of sunlight should help disinfect these babies.

I am using my neighbor's very sturdy, Hutterite built clothes dryer. He never uses it so I asked him if he minded my use of it this summer. I probably shouldn't have my diaper covers and laundry bag out there, but I figure one day of sun should help it - I just won't make a routine of it (Polyurethane Laminate waterproofing).

There you have it. Sun disinfects diapers, but it also shakes out the crabbies in mommies, too!

Pictoral Review of The Past Month

2010-05-20T23:08:00.009-05:00

Da Brothas
Chirpee enjoying playing in Deereandy's work truck.

Chirpee always wants to be involved in whatever daddy is doing. Here he is helping load the quad into the truck. His rain coat wasn't needed on this particular day, but he also has a keen sense of what is fashionable.

Dimple with Cowgirl. His other aunt, Jujubes, returned from Bolivia and Peru and brought this adorable little poncho.

Grandpa (aka Northdweller) enjoying his grandbabies.

Another fashionable statement by Chirpee. He was getting ready for "meeting", "church" whatever you'd like to term it. This was after he was throwing my clothing suggestions on the floor, "no!, no!, no!". It really wasn't cute at the time. We settled on this outfit which he accessorized.
Auntie Jujubes with Dimple.

Cowgirl's house for some sun and fun.

Chirpee's first sidewalk chalk experience. He really enjoyed it, we have some, but I'm not sure Deereandy is ready for Chirpee's self-expression on our driveway, yet.

Chirpee revisiting the 'ol tractor. Cowboy and Cowgirl purchased it from us and I was surprised at how congenial Chirpee has been about seeing it go. He has spent a lot of hours pretending on that beast!

I spend far too much time here...

Our garden. We haven't put anything in it, but it has been a great toy for Chirpee so far. He's gonna have a hard time after this weekend...all good things must come to an end.

Bliss.....

Enough already!

Dimple's cute little toes. I never caught Chirpee's on camera and I think I'll miss that as he gets older.

A sign of the resignation motherhood has brought. Dimple is on the bathroom floor (never!), with my shoe poised to mouth (yikes!) which Chirpee threw up on a couple days ago (she's completely lost it). It did get a cursory cleaning in the bathtub with a little baby shampoo. I noticed afterwards there was still a little crusty on the side...

Diapering

2010-05-20T22:40:00.003-05:00

There are definitely days when I question why I am cloth diapering two boys. Mind you, most days, I'm pretty happy with the whole thing. As I place another clean prefold on a smooth bum I happily think to myself of the few cents I'm saving in the process. Perhaps sadly, I don't think about the reduction in the landfills because of it, but I guess somewhere deep in me I know that, too.

This afternoon I had my moment of extreme frustration with the whole process. It actually started early this morning when I discovered that my diaper load came out of the laundry nice and fluffy clean, but one of my micro terry inserts smelled of ... stink. Laundering diapers is truly an art form. It has been a big challenge at my house anyway. I've wasted a bit those "few cents" that I've saved on various detergents and experiments with baking soda, vinegar and bleach.

I'll have to deal with the micro terry later, I'm all out of ideas for it (other than burning it). Back to this afternoon...Liam was smelly so we climbed the stairs to get freshened up before playing in the backyard. I've described his poo-poo to enough of you, so I'll spare the rest of you. Suffice it say, it is the worst kind to deal with - especially if you launder you own diapers. There we are, Dimple chattering happily on Chirpee's bed while Chirps and I are lingering over the bathroom toilet in a sort of team huddle.

"Stand back Chirpee, don't touch that!"

"Flush? Flush?"

"No, Chirpee, not yet. Just let mommy get the ickies off." (My vocabulary has grown leaps and bounds since having children.) Chirpee has ignored the request and flushed. After scraping off what I can, I reach for the handy diaper sprayer (handy little sprayer attached to your water source on toilet). Since the toilet is refilling the water pressure is low in the sprayer, I turn it up and it works so well I now have particles of ... ah-hem sprayed into my sandals and on the bathroom floor. Diaper dripping, sopping wet, I fold it inside out, give it a little squeeze (grosssssss) and drop it into the sink in exchange for the diaper cover. Normally I just ignore the little that gets on the cover, but it was quite a pastey mess so I try to give it a rinse, too.

More spraying with too much water pressure (hindsight - I have no idea why I didn't turn it back down), more of the water spraying all over the toilet with a little misting on the floor. This whole procedure is done with Dimple starting to get mad at being left by himself and me trying to keep Chirpee away from the messes. I get the diaper put into the pail all the while making faces, "ewwww" sounds and running over in my head, "now why did I start this? why do I diaper????"

All of my tension slowly drains away as I wipe up the last of the toilet mess and see my fresh toilet bowl and nicely cleaned sink. Ahhhhhhhh. At least it gets me to clean my bathroom....