A Daughter-Mother Reflection

Dad with my nephew this past December

My dad.  I remember so many things.  Roller skating in the garage and driveway with the arid summer breeze and scorching sun.  Rock 'n Roll tunes from the '50s blaring from the AM radio and winding my way around the case of TAB between the two bays.  Dad under the hood, dad under the car, grease caught in your finger creases, the smell of gasoline, motor oil.  Wiping your hands on an old rag.

Then you were scooping me up from the child's seat lying in the dirt after a crash on your bicycle in a bike-a-thon.  I crying and frightened by the sight of your blood.  How could this man who could do ALL things be mortal like me?  Daddy can get owies, too?

You took the afternoon to show me how to ride my bike, running alongside me and then letting go.  You watching me fall and encouraging me to climb up again.  It didn't take long with your help and persistence.

Jeep rides, long drives, "going to Toppenish" with four children and four pbj's in tow, swimming, chasing, washing cars, camping, motor cycles, hugs, tickle attacks, good night kisses and tuck ins, road trips, parades, washing cars, night time tubing down the sliding hill...memories are crashing in on me as I write these things.  I think I could fill up sheets of paper with the sweet memories of a childhood greatly shaped by you.  I remember so many things.  And I know I don't remember that much.

I couldn't know the stresses of providing  for or lovingly serving a family.  I couldn't see the sacrifices in great depth.  But I did know.  I knew the fierce love and protection.  I knew the pride and affection.  I knew your hopes and dreams for me.  I knew that things would be okay because dad and mom were here for me.  And I knew my dad could beat up anyone else's dad.

But one of my favorite remembrances is of waking up in your arms, as you lift me off grandma's couch, carry me into the moonlight of the summer night.  The sound of the wooden screened porch door swinging shut as I close my eyes tight against letting you know I was awake.  I didn't want that moment to end.  As if my eyes open would mean you'd put me down to use my own two feet.  Peaking through one eye slit at the moon, the gentle, heavy-scented breeze blanketing me and your strong arms to place me in the car.   

Now maybe if I could just keep my eyes shut another moment now; I could see you here.  I wouldn't have to take care of my responsibilities, I could just lay my head back and drink in the night and my smallness in your strong arms and the jostle from your walking over the fresh cut lawn. 

We are separated by hundreds of miles that number over 2000, but we really aren't so far apart since God used you to make me and I cannot just disconnect over simple movements in geography.

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Their daddy.  My flesh.  It has been a joy for me to discover you as a father.  The way it has revealed how deep your patience can run, how deep your laugh lines can get and how much you have to share with these boys.  I can't imagine a better man, but I hope our boys grow to be as wonderful as their daddy is.  You are a wise father even though "young" (wink, wink).

Chirpee constantly is repeating things you say, telling me how to hold screw drivers, that he needs to "mow again before planting the grass", many times a day he pretends he's working on broken things (often referring to things you are currently working on).  He's watching you so intently and learning about how a boy is and watching you for how to be a man.  He trusts you.  He loves you.

You are a ray of sunshine in Dimple's day.  He is overjoyed to see you each evening.  I know as he continues to grow, he'll be imitating you as well.  My boys admire their daddy just like I do.  You are the highlight of our everyday.

Everyday I think on how blessed I am to have you.  I am blown away (and I mean everyday) that you chose me.  You are patient, you are kind, you are gentle with us, you are longsuffering, you are not quick to anger, you put your family ahead of yourself all the time.  You are incredibly hardworking, you do all things well (as unto the Lord).  I hope our boys will grow up to take possession of the deep character you demonstrate to our family.  I hope they have at least half of your intelligence.  That should set them up well in life as you are a major brain!  There is no one like you and I thank God everyday that we have you.