The Fall Wrap Up

I've been absent from real blogging for awhile.  At least that is what it feels like.  I know I've posted some things, but I don't think I've given any picture of what is going on in real life around here.

After my fairly predictable second emotional breakdown of the year (beginning of harvest), I soon got a reprieve from the stresses of single parenting for what feels like months on end. Thankfully, harvest this year went pretty steady and didn't see a lot of breaks which is nice for finishing up before snow fall, but difficult because there is no break when we see Deereandy.  After last year, I decided I'd rather have a big push of harvest than stop and go for a few months.

If you can't tell or reason the obvious, seeding through harvest makes Deereandy's family miss him terribly.  Every year I see the way it impacts Chirpee and Dimple and feel a sore need within myself to feel married again and not so alone in parenting.

That said, I am really, really, really bubbly PROUD of Deereandy and his hard work and his expertise.  I know he is the best mechanic that God ever made.  He is also sooooooo good at most things and has such a dedication to quality workmanship.  He is the most intelligent man I know, the most tender and loving and unselfish man I know.  And I GET TO BE MARRIED to him!!!!!

Now...if I could just stop plotting and scheming a new, work-from-home career for him!  I have to remind myself the Lord has equipped and trained Deereandy to provide for our family, he has a great job, security in it and the Lord knew that I would struggle, too.  He has grace and sustaining power for me in this (and our whole family). 

The boys are growing and changing like little boys do.  Chirpee is doing preschool one morning a week again this year and Dimple gets to run errands with mom while Chirp is in school.  We moved them into the same bedroom together last week and they have been loving it.  Chirpee enjoys putting Dimple "to bed", reading him a story, giving him "soft tickles" and praying with him.  This afternoon he prayed, "I hope he has a good sleep and that he doesn't fall out of bed".  Below is a little snippet of his bedtime routine.

Dimple is now in a toddler bed which has him on the floor every couple evenings, but he takes it well.  Last night Deereandy and I went in to kiss them before going to sleep ourselves and Dimple had his head buried in his blankie resting on the mattress with the rest of his body standing up on the floor. I should have taken a picture, but of course I don't think about that until after we move him back into bed.

I am personally feeling better than I have in the past few years; probably since before pregnant with Chirps.  It has been nice to smile again, to dance, to see life without a cloud repressing me.  The Lord has really blessed me.  Maybe that panic attack in summer is what I needed to get me here.

For a long while after, I struggled with my perspective and focus.  It seemed I lost my drive to homeschool, be a mom, I felt rather directionless, but spinning around.  I contemplated returning to nursing, sending Chirpee to public school next year and overall just lost my confidence and conviction about a lot of things.

"But those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength"  And so I waited.  I knew I shouldn't move in a cloud of confusion and so I determined I should wait upon the Lord to give me direction.  "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path".  I waited and he renewed my strength.  He did more than that - he has lighted a path and restored my convictions and brought me peace and laughter and joy with life again.  The value of which cannot be measured. 

My mother-in-law, The Spoiler, has been a big help to me by allowing me a day to myself every Monday.  I have come to covet that time.  She watches my boys and even cooks supper for our family.

Since finding my energy again (with a lot of help from B-12 and mega doses of iron), I have been able to join a zumba class on Monday evenings as well as sing in the community choir "The Borderline Singers".

So there is my little wrap up.  Maybe now I can continue my planned series on what brought Deereandy and I to the conclusion of homeschooling.  I have about 20 posts in my head.  We'll see if I can squeeze it into two or three more.