I thought I'd procrastinate (I've been very good at this today) and write about how I have a dirty house, no energy and wonder if there has been a mom of young kids that has lived successfully and prosperously during this phase of life. I'm sure there must be, it just seems that all the great advice comes from the moms who have made the same mistakes I seem to and they look back with some great insights.
There is a balance that I am so in need of and unable to attain (it seems that way). I need to spend more time in God's Word, prayer, I need to be kinder to Chirpee, more flexible, less perfectionism, I'd love a swept floor and dream of it being mopped at least every three months instead of yearly.
I remember my mom saying that I will have such a clean floor once that little Chirpee started moving around. She thought I'd be so concerned about those germs, I guess. The fact is: my floors have never been grosser. I've never felt so unkempt, disorganized and unproductive.
In early motherhood anyway (tell me this will change!), most of us are on an upward learning curve and I personally feel that I'm not "expert" or "well practiced" at anything. My house is always on the verge of a chaotic meltdown (physically, but many moments it seems that mentally, too). This is a very frustrating time of life for myself...
That being said, I just about crumble to the floor in a puddle of mushy emotion when I do my last checks on my babes at night - their sweet little breathing, passed out positions and just a little moment without noise surrounding them. It leads me to rewinding the day in my mind and thinking, "I wish I'd paid more attention when Chirpee was showing me _______" or "I should have spent more time tickling Dimple and showing him new things outside, etc.", "I wish I wasn't so harsh with Chirpee when ______".
I know motherhood can be full of regrets, but I hope that I can avoid getting bogged down in them and remember that the Lord is merciful. He is full of grace and is loving caring for my boys with perfection. Their mother isn't perfect, but their Creator is Light, He is Love, He is intimately concerned with their souls and he is able to provide for our family.